A truly erotic experience engages all of the senses, which helps explain how Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has managed to overcome the obstacle of being named “Dwayne” to take the title of People’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2016. The checkout-line staple takes a deep, sensual whiff of what Johnson is cooking in its fawning profile of the star, saying he not only has a “big box-office draw,” but an “even bigger heart that made the Moana star this year’s Sexiest Man Alive!”
The profile also touches upon Johnson’s personal life and beauty routines—he’s big into exfoliation, apparently—although it fails to list his biggest turn-ons, turn-offs, and cup size. It also fails to mention Johnson’s awkward phase, which he presented to the world in all of its fanny-packed glory on Twitter a few years back, referring to himself as a “buff lesbian” in this now-infamous photograph:
To be fair, Dwayne, there are definitely people out there who are into musclebound homosexual women. But a good sense of humor and humility are both attractive qualities, so we’ll let it go. Even if your head does kind of look like a thumb.
Anyway, Johnson joins the musky ranks of such testosterone-laden Sexiest Men Alive as Mel Gibson (1985), Denzel Washington (1996), Brad Pitt (1995 and 2000), Chris Hemsworth (2014) and Harry Hamlin (1987)—not to be confused with Harry Anderson from Night Court.