As part of some karmic turning of the tables, Nancy Grace has found herself the center of two national scandals during her brief tenure on Dancing With The Stars—first inciting acts of domestic terrorism with her nipple, and most recently, handily summing up six seasons of Nancy Grace by filling the airwaves with her own farts. In both cases, of course, Grace has claimed the sort of unfair condemnation without a trial that only she’s normally allowed to make, saying that the blurred object poking out of her bra that black September night was nothing more than a pasty, and insisting that “the investigation continues” into Who Farted?, a mystery that no doubt can only be solved by someone donning a truth-vest and shouting at it for six weeks.
However, the Internet porn clearinghouse Clips4Sale.com doesn’t care about justice: It just wants that clip of Nancy Grace farting, recently sending a letter to ABC asking for rights to the footage so it can provide it to members of its website “who are ‘Flatulophiliacs,’ or simply put, ‘Fart Fanatics.’” The request also contains wink-wink reference to the site having “a real nose for news” and contains the concluding line, “Passing gas is as natural as breathing, and our members are waiting with baited breath”—because if you’re going to self-identify as a “fart fanatic,” you should probably have a sense of humor about it. ABC has yet to respond to the request, or even identify how much rights to the three-second clip of Nancy Grace farting might cost, because we are all going to agree to stop talking about this forever, beginning right now.