In My Two Dads: The Motion Picture, Billy Crystal and Robin Williams travel in search of the awkward, underfed teenager either of them could have fathered by party girl Natassja Kinski during the waning years of the Carter administration. When found, the scamp does what any rational person would do when faced with the possibility of having either of the two tired comedians as a dad: He runs like hell, causing all kinds of chaos and, yes, wacky antics that allow Crystal and Williams to mug wildly and demonstrate why anyone paying attention to their recent careers should have lost all respect for them by now. Fathers' Day is a telling example of the Hollywood mentality: The logic behind the movie seems to have been that simply throwing Williams and Crystal together in a remake of a French comedy would be enough. Hell, this sort of thing worked commercially with The Birdcage—a far more watchable film—so why not try it again? It doesn't work here, and neither does the conservative subtext about the hopelessness of adolescent discontent. The kid receives embarrassing lectures from Williams and Crystal about how they settled down after their wild years and he will too, but because the film has a hopelessly out-of-touch view of contemporary culture (and also because Williams plays a failed artist who begins the film by attempting suicide), there's no reason to take the message seriously. Here's a tip: If you must depict a hip alternative-music festival, keep in mind that they generally do not feature mimes. Add to these problems the fact that Fathers' Day is a comedy starring two reputedly hilarious people who don't make you laugh once, and you have a movie that would be great if everything about it weren't terrible.