Fergie Frightens Small Children

Say what you will about Fergie, she is not afraid to bring it—"it" being plastic leggings, overblown Heart covers, desperate on stage writhing, creepy panting, and random Guns n' Roses shout-outs (when you're borrowing from so many—Gwen Stefani, Heart, Bratz dolls—you might as well throw another "influence" on the pile)—even if the place she's bringing it to is the Today show at 8am.

Another thing about Fergie? She knows her audience. Most performers would stand on the Today show stage in Rockefeller Center, look out at the dozens of sweatshirted tourists holding signs, 8th graders on class trips, and families with small children who consider Al Roker's humor to be "spicy," and decide to tone down their act. After all, it is a morning show, and the kids are three feet away—maybe you should save your "suggestively stroking the middle-aged guitar player on my knees" bit for afternoon gigs. But not Fergie. She took one look in the embarrassed eyes of the kids at the end of the stage, and gave them exactly what they wanted: a 33-year-old pop singer on her hands and knees screeching and writhing mere inches from their faces, with only the thinnest layer of Lycra separating them.

Next up: Fergie brightens up the pediatric ward at a local hospital with a special, all-writhing performance of her hit "London Bridge."

 
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