Apparently no longer content with periodically breaking America’s nerdiest hearts, Marvel Cinematic Universe mastermind Kevin Feige is now bound and determined to give half the internet an aneurysm, too. Feige—still riding high off the success of MCU capstone Avengers: Endgame—gave an interview with Comicbook.com today, revealing that not only has he considered putting internet heartthrob/genuinely nice-seeming guy Keanu Reeves into one of his movies, but that “We talk to him for almost every film we make.” Feige went on to say that he didn’t know if, or when, Keanu would ever formally join the MCU, but by then, the damage had already been done, and the internet’s great speculation engines had already spun into grim, relentless life.
And we’ll be honest: Our initial impulse is to pooh-pooh this a bit. To point out that our current collective obsession with Reeves is fueled, at least in part, by his meeting the very low bar of just being a famous male actor who simply doesn’t seem to be a piece of shit. Or that his gifts—considerable as they may be—really only lend themselves to playing characters who are, basically, Keanu Reeves, which is the sort of thing that makes him an excellent John Wick and a pretty crappy Taskmaster (or whoever).
On the other hand (and with a self-directed reminder to lighten up, please, Francis), it’s also not like we’re immune to Reeves’ charms ourselves, or that we wouldn’t lose our minds if he started hanging out with Spider-Man all of a sudden. Which leads us into the question of who Keanu would play were he to get into the superhero game. Marvel is currently facing a sudden dearth of heroes after all, one it’s aiming to fill with movies like Angelina Jolie’s Eternals. A little Reevesian star power wouldn’t hurt as the company’s mysterious Phase Four kicks into high gear over the next few years.
Top internet speculation currently centers on cosmic hero Adam Warlock as a natural Keanu role, and honestly, it’s a pretty good fit: Warlock is semi-robotic, detached, and quasi-divine, which all feel like pretty clear Keanu traits. (He’s also been teased in the MCU before, courtesy of Guardians Of The Galaxy 2.) Really, the only thing holding it back from happening is the fact that Adam is intimately connected to the Infinity Stones, and we’re all just a tad burnt out on those particular mystical rocks of late. On a similar cosmic note, we would also buy him as the Silver Surfer, which would be a fun, John Wick-y sort of callback to his old pal Laurence Fishburne, who voiced the character in 2007.
Or, if we’re going full Fantastic Four anyway, why not put Reeves in the role of the big man himself: Galactus, Devourer Of Worlds? Part of the character’s appeal is that he’s not evil or malevolent, after all; he’s just a force, and who could make you feel better about eating the entire planet than everyone’s online buddy, Keanu Reeves? And if we’re letting ourselves idly speculate about Reeves-based baddies, he might also be a good Kang The Conqueror, one of the only Avengers-level villains yet to be touched on by the MCU.
Honestly, though, we’d take pretty much anything at this point. Keanu Reeves: Honorary Agent Of S.H.I.E.L.D. would actually be amazing, now that we think about it; he could shoot the shit with the Hulk for a minute, then get back to doing research for his next script while everyone ran around, solving the next big crisis.