Pinball machines have a tactile quality that video games can never capture: The weight of the ball as it rolls down an incline, the satisfying "thwack" of the flippers, the bumpers that cause the whole contraption to light up and tremble as they volley the ball between them. To their credit, the makers of Flipnic Ultimate Pinball know they can't beat the game, so they don't bother playing it. Granted, there are still flippers and bumpers and a pretty silver ball, but Flipnic goes to places that defy the laws of the physical world, with tracks that lead to other gaming dimensions, crab-like UFO bosses that gobble up errant balls, and a few stages that are set in zero gravity. The entertaining first challenge wends through multiple environments, from a lush tropical jungle where turquoise butterflies land on bumpers to waterfalls that freeze and shatter when you drive a ball into them. Yet over time, the fun gradually evaporates until the game invites active antagonism; that's the net effect of repetitive and increasingly uninspired "missions," overaggressive visual and sound effects, and a synth score that plants in your brain like a cancer.
Set in a variety of futuristic-looking themed "environments" with scientific names like Biology, Metallurgy, and Optics, Flipnic requires you to complete a range of tasks in each one before advancing on to a higher level. After a strong first couple of stages, which include a few alien showdowns with the retro-charm of Space Invaders, the game actually gets less intricate as it goes along, bottoming out in a disco-neon setting that's so dark that it's hard to tell what's going on. Worse still are the two-person mini-games, which include a game of foosball where only bumpers are used (more often than not, to hit the ball into your own goal) and a basketball contest in which hitting a ball perfectly off the end of the flipper lets your opponent score.
Beyond the gameplay: Having a catchy hook has always been essential to any successful pinball game, but after introducing an alien plot to steal/zap steel balls, Flipnic mysteriously loses the thread. Most. Ineffectual. Invasion. Ever.
Worth playing for: The two-player games are mostly worthless, save for a simple variation on Pong in which you control two paddles instead of one. It must have taken five minutes to develop, but there's a reason the world's first commercial successful video game caused such a craze.
Frustration sets in when: Between the main stages, there are mini-levels where you're in outer space, smacking balls at giant metallic animals like monkeys or pumas, which then morph into skulls that temporarily disable your flippers with electric pinballs. It doesn't take long to clear these levels, but who knows how it's done.
Final judgment: Flipnic breaks all the rules in order to bring pinball from real 3D to faux 3D, but this may be one game that's better left to the vintage arcade.