While not as sleek and elegant as the old 7 Deadly Sins, the official recognition of these new, trendy sins is sure to lead to one thing: a cheap sequel to the seven-deadly-sins serial killer thriller, Se7en. But how will the killer in Se7en x 2 = Fourt14en manage to murder his victims by turning these new sins against the sinners? Below are a few suggestions:
1. Bioethical Violations
Murder Method: This one's easy: poison-tipped condom.
2. Morally Dubious Experiments
Murder Method: Smothered to death inside a giant petri dish (cinematic!), or the sinner/scientist is forced to harvest his own stem cells at gunpoint.
3. Drug Abuse
Murder Method: Poison-tipped rehab. Or, you know, the old-fashioned overdose. (Aside: How is this sin not included under the ample umbrella of gluttony?)
4. Polluting The Environment
Murder Method: Drowning in an oversized, purely metaphorical carbon footprint? Or the killer could lock an H2 Hummer owner in his garage with the engine running.
5. Widening The Divide Between Rich & Poor
Murder Method: This one doesn't lend itself to easy murder translation. Um, so, maybe the killer could slice a millionaire to death via paper cuts from his advantageous-tax-break-filled tax returns?
6. Excessive Wealth
Murder method: Crushed underneath his net worth converted into gold bullion. Or someone's head in a box, covered in diamonds.
7. Creating Poverty
Murder Method: Pelted to death by pennies—one thrown by every poor person in the world.
