Fox adds Toymageddon to the list of our impending -mageddons

By Sean O'Neal | January 28, 2014 | 8:02pm

Aux Features Film

Adding to the many and myriad forms of movie apocalypse involving monsters, robots, aliens, mutants, plagues, dwindling fossil fuels, God’s wrath, Drew Barrymore, and a dozen different zombie scenarios, Fox has heralded the coming of Toymageddon, as now even a child’s plaything can be an instrument of our global doom. Fast And Furious director Justin Lin has signed on to produce the film that already owes royalties to Yo La Tengo, and is being described as “a four quadrant, live-action family adventure movie in the vein of Jurassic Park and Ghostbusters” (a nonsensical code for “a movie that Fox would really like to see make a lot of money, in the vein of other movies that have made a lot of money”).

It’s not yet known whether Lin would move to playing with smaller toy cars and action figures by directing, though The Hollywood Reporter notes it’s possible “depending on the outcome of the script.” Details of that script are still under wraps, but Toymageddon is “known to center around a toy factory that runs amok”—presumably producing Slip-N-Slides that drain our oceans, Hot Wheels that choke our atmosphere, Slinkies with dangerous attitudes about nuclear proliferation, and eventually, a ball-and-cup with a ball so big, it destroys us all.