Hey, are you going to do any actual work today, or are you just going to sit there digging through time-wasting websites? It's not 5:00 yet, you know, and it isn't the weekend until that (metaphorical) whistle blows. Like a cold splash of water across the face during a five-minutes-too-long bathroom break, get your mind back on the page with some Friday Buzzkills!
– After her role in the recent Beatles-themed musical Across The Universe and a graphic turn in the video for boyfriend Marilyn Manson's song "Heart Shaped Glasses" (quick poll: Which was more unsettling?), Evan Rachel Wood is supposedly close to signing a deal with Interscope to develop a music career of her own. According to an "insider" who spoke to Entertainment Weekly: "The general buzz is that she does have a very good voice and genuinely wants to make music. You should hear her karaoke!" We'll give you two guesses on who will serve as producer on her soon-to-be critically reviled debut.
– Despite our pledge to stop reporting on J.J. Abrams' forthcoming Star Trek reboot, this story has too much embarrassing hubris to pass up: William Shatner is upset that he wasn't asked to reprise his role as Capt. Kirk, despite an already announced cameo from Leonard Nimoy. With typical humility, Shatner told the Associated Press on Thursday, "What a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision." (Right. Because everyone knows that Shatner = bank.)
– We know he hasn't had the greatest run of his career as of late, but since when did Harvey Keitel start accepting offers to play Jerry Springer? In a two-night stint at Carnegie Hall, Keitel will take on the role of the TV host who finally gave incest-related slapfights a home in Jerry Springer: The Opera, which comes to America after a hit run in London's West End. (And OK, we're willing to concede that this might actually be kind of awesome.) Say, this reminds me of a joke: How does Harvey Keitel's exposed, shriveled penis get to Carnegie Hall?
– Robert Goulet is still in dire need of a lung transplant. Here's just a little taste of what we'll be losing if he doesn't get one:
Have a super weekend!