From the A.V. Club mailbag: Love for "Lyndsay"
Joke? Not a joke? We've been debating this piece of mail all day. Either way, this letter to Scott Tobias regarding his review of Just My Luck is just too memorable not to reprint. Enjoy!
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Dear Scott,
I just finished reading your review of the latest Lyndsay Lohan movie, "Just My Luck" and I thought your review was really stupid and you sound like a jerk. I showed it to my mom and she agreed. She said you had a real bad case of sour grapes. You probably don't know what that means so I will explain it to you later in my letter. But before I do that I want to say a few things about Lyndsay Lohan that you obviously don't know.
First of all, I like her a lot because she is cool and really freaking awesome looking. If she was a prostitute, I would definitely hook up with her She has brown eyes and legs and a big chest and she looks hot whether her hair color is yellow or brown or whatever, she's still hot. You don't just wake up one day and say, "oh my god I'm hot". You have to work at it and it takes time and skill and stuff like cleansers and shampoo and hair coloring and you didn't mention any of this not even once in your review. I mean when you go to the movies you go to see movie stars and how they look. If you didn't want to see how she looked, Scott, you should have just stayed home and listened to it on the radio.
Second of all, she has more talent in her little finer than you have in your whole body. Parent Trap was one of the best movies ever! I don't mean like, oh it was better than Star Wars, but it was the best movie ever in the category of little kids with parents and funny things happening. In that movie, she played not only herself but also herself again with a different personality and a different accent AT THE SAME TIME!! Let's see you do that. Let's see you write about movies and then turn around and write about trains or something totally different at the same time. You would have to be ambidexterous and that's rare to say the least, and even if you were ambidexterous, there's no way you could type two stories at the same time. But she did it totally 100% no problem and you didn't even make the slightest mention of that in your review!
And thirdly, IF YOU HATED THE MOVIE SO MUCH WHY DID YOU GO AND SEE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE????? That's what my mom means when she says you have a bad case of sour grapes. Sour grapes is when you don't like something and you tell everyone you don't like it. Its not nice and my mom also says that if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all. Your review should have just been one blank space instead of the negative stuff you wrote. I mean, I don't know you so I can't say your'e a bad person, but if writing negative things about people is your thing, then maybe you should write obituaries. That way no one's feeling get hurt because the person you are writing about is dead.
I think you should make amends and instead of having sour grapes all the time, you should go see the movie again and focus on all the good things in the movie. Like, you could say, how long it was or how many people were in the theatre. If I could go to movies by myself, that's what I would want to know. Maybe you had a headache the day you saw it or something. I haven't seen it yet but I will once it comes out on DVD and I know its going to be awesome.
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