From Oh No They Didn't:
Continuing its mission of discovering and nurturing music makers, The Recording Academy announced today the creation of "My GRAMMY® Moment" — a historic opportunity for unsigned artists to audition for a performance with current multi-GRAMMY nominee Justin Timberlake on THE 49th ANNUAL GRAMMY AWARDS, Sunday, Feb. 11 (8:00-11:30 PM, live ET/delayed PT) on the CBS Television Network.he new GRAMMY segment will vault someone from anonymity to performing with one of entertainment's biggest stars on music's biggest stage in front of millions of television viewers.
God, calm down, CBS. There are other superlatives besides "biggest," you know.
Is there any better way to say "We're out of ideas," than an American Idol rip-off contest for awful, Grammy-watching, amateur singers, excuse me, "unsigned artists"?
But this idea is horrible not just because it's lazy, and it wrongly assumes that real people are just as entertaining as professional entertainers, but because it makes me feel sorry for Justin Timberlake. He's worked so hard on his dance moves, and his disconcerting falsetto, and that song that sounds like the inner workings of a computer ("My Love"), only to have it all ruined by some "unsigned artist" who knows how to upload video of himself singing "Vision Of Love" in his living room.
Why "Vision Of Love"? Because that's one of the awful songs these probably awful contestants have to attempt to sing in order to win:
As part of a nine-week event, The Recording Academy will work with CBS and Yahoo! Music to conduct a nationwide audition with musicians uploading user-generated performance video to Yahoo! Music. Users may log on directly to CBS.com or to Yahoo! Music to access the video submissions, video viewing and voting site: http://music.yahoo.com/mygrammymoment/.
Singers, at least 18-years of age or older, U.S. residents only, who have never been signed to an independent or major record label, submit a 60-second video of themselves singing one of the following GRAMMY-winning songs only (must be a cappella with no music or background track whatsoever):
o "If I Ain't Got You" (originally performed by Alicia Keys) o "Breathe" (originally performed by Faith Hill) o "Come To My Window" (originally performed by Melissa Etheridge) o "What's Love Got To Do With It" (originally performed by Tina Turner) o "Dance With My Father" (originally performed by Luther Vandross) o "Cry Me A River" (originally performed by Justin Timberlake) o "Respect" (originally performed by Aretha Franklin) o "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" (originally performed by Whitney Houston) o "Vision of Love" (originally performed by Mariah Carey).
I think these songs were chosen for maximium creepability. Honestly, there is nothing more off-putting than watching fuzzy clip after fuzzy clip of ordinary people belting out "If I Ain't Got You" in front of the blank walls of their homes. (Check it out, at your own discretion, here.)
Truly, the Grammys can't come soon enough. But what does Justin have to say about all this.
"I'm happy to participate in this unique approach to discovering unsigned talent, but I'm only a piece of the puzzle," said Justin Timberlake. "All of you contestants out there should look at this as more than just a chance to duet with me, because it's really an opportunity to begin your career as a superstar. And I'll be there to help coach you along."
Ugh. I mean, awww. He's so humble. I sense a lengthy "coaching montage" for the broadcast. Nevermind, I don't feel bad for him at all.