From my inbox (Thanks, Josh!):
Subject: With the news of Chris Brown, are independent artists more serious about their work?
When the news that Chris Brown had been arrested for alleged assault, I couldn't help but think that independent music artists are the way of the future. An independent artist has a lot more at risk and (I believe) appreciates their fame a lot more than someone signed by a music production company. Could that be the problem with today's artists who make stupid mistakes to mess up their career?
The email then goes on in its very own special, logic-melting, decency-obliterating way to pitch an interview with the CEO of a website that is "dedicated exclusively to independent artists"—artists who presumably would never ever find themselves arrested for alleged assault because they have so much at risk in their careers? And fear of losing hard-won fame is what reins people in from (allegedly) hitting other people? Not basic human decency, or even the simplest sense of right and wrong, or the ability to control one's temper, but indie labels? Who knew that independent artists were the only things preventing the universe from disolving into total swirling chaos?
I don't usually do this because it's like putting your head in one of those custom color mixing vises in the paint section of Home Depot, but let's pretend we were the PR person who wrote the words above into an email and sent it out.
She's sitting at her computer, fingers poised atop the keys, trying to come up with a timely hook for interviews with the CEO of an indie-artist website. "With the news of the wildfires destroying Australia," she types, before quickly deleting it. Too much of a downer. Hmm. She taps her fingers lightly on the desktop, thinking. "With the still-devastating news of Heath Ledger's untimely death," she types. That has the right gravitas, but it's just not current enough. She deletes it. Then, her eyes light up. "Would Chris Brown go around assaulting people if he were indie? Doubtful," she types, smiling. After a quick revision, she hits send.