Gilmore Girls loses momentum as it heads for its horrific, inevitable season 5 conclusion

“But I’m A Gilmore!”, season five, episode 19, originally aired 4/26/2005

“But I’m A Gilmore!’ may be the worst Gilmore Girls episode that Amy Sherman-Palladino wrote herself. There’s barely a non-sour note in the whole thing, except for Michel throwing shade at Lorelai about buying a giant hoagie sandwich. These are the crumbs we’re grateful for.

Let’s start with the face-palm-worthy efforts of Sookie, less concerned with the health of her unborn child than with maintaining maniacal control over her kitchen, getting her staff in trouble by having them smuggle out Luke’s food to her. I know Sookie’s supposed to be flighty, and a little nuts about her kitchen, but there is no reason for her to go off on Luke, who’s only trying to help. Plus the fact that all the stress can not be good for her baby. And there was no reason for Jackson to go off on Luke either, especially as harsh as he did. The whole plot is stupid and pointless.

Such are the limitless romantic powers of Rory Gilmore that she can turn a casanova like Logan into boyfriend material. At least Logan is ready to give it the old college try. But even in 2005, it’s hard to believe that any family, no matter how rich they are, would be put off by Logan dating someone who wants a career, especially a career in the family business of journalism. Even worse is Rory’s similar snobbery that she’s worthwhile just because she’s a Gilmore, and her ancestors came over on the Mayflower, like that should count for anything.

Unsurprisingly, Logan is on his way to causing the biggest rift we’ve ever seen between the Gilmore Girls, and it begins to build up this episode. Lorelai having a bad feeling about Logan since her daughter wound up drunk on the bathroom floor; Rory’s increased dependence on him, so that she would even endure that dinner, and cheers up completely when he comes to take her out later. Logan, in the end, doesn’t even end up being as terrible for Rory as he possibly could have been. But for the first time, Lorelai is faced with disagreeing with her own daughter’s decisions, just as her mother has disagreed with hers all of their lives. No wonder she stuffs her own face with a pillow just to keep quiet.

“How Many Kropogs To Cape Cod?”, season five, episode 20, originally aired 5/3/2005

Unfortunately, not much improves in the next episode. But in another family dinner, instead of the Huntzburgers coldly freezing out Rory, the Gilmores warmly praise Logan right down to his lapels and his parking job.

You would think that Emily would possibly be a little nicer to her prodigal daughter Lorelai, but perhaps she’s enjoying having that upper hand again a bit too much, conveniently forgetting her daughter’s drink order and garnish. It’s clear the Gilmores have saved all their attention and charm for Logan and Rory, on whom they’ve tied a million hopes to the thought of blond-haired, blue-eyed grandchildren. It’s weird how both of these wealthy families equate dating with automatic engagement, but that’s rich people for you. Or at least, how Amy Sherman-Palladino and co. view this elusive world of rich people.

On the more down-to-earth side, Rory starts her internship, but watching her trail Mitchum Huntzburger with coffee cups is just boring. Honestly, just like the episode before it, “Kropogs” has very little to offer. But if you ever wonder why Lauren Graham gets raves for being such a great actress, just check out her phone conversation with Rory when she first mentions her internship. Lorelai is on-the-surface supportive, with an obvious simmering resentment underneath. It’s a masterful delivery. So is her eye-roll when she busts Logan on that stupid Life And Death Brigade prank. But it’s Rory’s wide-eyed, silent embarrassment, and complicity, that may sting Lorelai most of all.

Stray observations

• “She’s got salve!”
• Home fax!
• Worst Gilmore outfits: Oh god, Paris is still in that awful pilgrim dress at first. Later, she’s wearing a butterfly stickpin. Did Liza Weil make the costume designer mad or something? And Lorelai’s blue tweed pants are a bit of an eyesore. As were Emily’s plaid slacks. Basically it was a bad week for pants.
• Best Gilmore outfit: Can see why Rory made a special trip back to Stars Hollow to get that blue dress, because it was really pretty.
• This week in Gilmore entitlement: “Luke! Pie!” Also, waking up your daughter to demand to be invited to go to a dinner where you do little more than sit and sulk. Also answering your phone after your boyfriend has just served you an amazing dinner and then ignoring him for the next several minutes.
• In Gilmore Girls’ world, all pregnant women wind up on bedrest eventually, as the same thing happened to Lane. Sookie got a golfcart, Lane got pushed across town in an actual bed.
• It is weird how the “Mike Armstrong” hotel conglomerate plot seemed to zip along for a few weeks and then just disappear.
• If you are a Gilmore Girls fan (I can only imagine that you are, otherwise why else would you be reading this?), I encourage you to check out The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Amazon Prime. It’s like Amy Sherman-Palladino with a much wider angle: a spot-on mid-century period piece; yet another engaging, fast-talking heroine; and enough lightly barbed wisecracks to keep any Stars Hollow enthusiast happy.
• Next week: Hey, maybe that yacht was just floating there untied with the keys in it, who knows?