First off, apologies to those who clicked on this expecting news of another classic rocker sex tape; as yet, no one has come forward with evidence of the Pink Floyd frontman welcoming anyone to his machine. But if anyone out there has seen the giant, inflatable pig on the wing that Roger Waters' hog handlers accidentally released during his Coachella set, there's a reward far better than grainy images of groupie sex: $10,000, plus two pairs of Coachella tickets for life. The pig should be fairly easy to spot: Recognizable markings include the faux-graffiti mottos "Don't be led to the slaughter" and "Fear builds walls" emblazoned on either side, a pro-Obama logo on its belly, and the fact that it's a giant fucking pig.
Having already drawn the ire of Indio residents after littering the ground with millions of tiny Obama leaflets, Waters is understandably anxious to clean up this latest mess—either that, or he just wants his porcine pal returned before Peter Frampton gets his hands on it. (There, I got the Simpsons reference out of the way. Now we can all move on with our lives.) Anyone with knowledge of the pig's whereabouts—or a couple of hilarious one-liners they're dying to fire off—should contact [email protected].
UPDATE: The pig has been found—albeit in two pieces—in a La Quinta country club. Crisis averted.