How To Get A Promotional Spa Treatment In Front Of Francis Ford Coppola During A Weird Sponsored Party At Brett Ratner's House
(From Style.com via Goldenfiddle)
1. Clear your mind of any and all thoughts. Yes, you're at Brett Ratner's house, and there's no telling what has happened on the very chaise lounge you're currently sitting on, but you can soak in a vat of Purell later. Right now, it's best just not to think at all. Forget your surroundings.
2. Relax. Breathe deeply, and keep your eyes focussed on the photographer and the moisturizer. Imagine that's just a large mountain of clothes over there, or a small bear, or a creepy-looking guy who isn't Francis Ford Coppola.
3. Act natural. Give the spa girl your arm. Smile for the photographer until your jaw hurts–For all he knows, you get exfoliation treatments in front of Oscar-winning directors all the time.
4. Whatever you do, don't look over your shoulder. You know he's there, and, believe me, he knows he's there. You can practically feel the embarrassment radiating from him. Making eye contact right now would only make it more awkward. What are you going to say to Francis Ford Coppola while having your skin moisturized at an sponsored outdoor spa BBQ at Brett Ratner's house? "Ha ha. This is so relaxing. You should try the hydro face peel thing—not that you need it or whatever. I mean, you don't even need to be here! Not like we do. I just mean skin-wise, you're ok. Also, you know, you're Coppola! You're not doing too bad, fame-wise either. It must be nice to not have to come to these weird contrived parties just to have your picture taken. Still: free spa treatments! Ha. Ha. WHY ARE YOU HERE? Sorry. Sorry. Ha. I was just kidding. So, how's the winery?"