How To Promote a Book––Star Jones Reynolds Style!

First off, let me say that I find Star Jones Reynolds endlessly fascinating. This is largely because I enjoy being disgusted. I love horror movies, and medical shows like The Man With The 800-lb. Tumor––so to me, watching Star is like sitting through some magical combination of the two, like The Man With The 800-lb. Zombie Tumor, or something.

Just imagine my delight/disgust when Star, a figure who repulses me physically, emotionally, and spiritually, penned a self-help book called Shine: A Physical, Emotional, And Spiritual Journey To Finding Love.

Then, she started promoting it, and things got progressively better/worse.

How To Promote A Book––Star Jones Reynolds Style: 1. Demand a ridiculous promotional budget

After all, you're Star Jones. You're an AOL SuperBuddy icon!

You deserve an extra $85,000. 2. Get the cover of People magazine by promising to reveal how you lost 150 pounds

Then lounge on a chaise, and don't reveal anything.

If they persist, mumble something about a "medical intervention."

3. Become an AOL Love Coach

It's easy. And very, very creepy. (Best moment: Star says, "When I say 'intimacy', I'm talkin about sexual intimacy." Then she winks—which looks kind of like a hammerhead shark trying to flirt.) 4. Hang up on reporters who ask you too much about the "Finding Love" part of your book

Like Star did to a writer with the Dallas Voice. Read the transcript here. 5. Actually, just hang up on any reporter who asks you any question about your book

Like Star did a few days later to an Atlanta DJ who asked about her rapid weight loss. Read about that incident here.

And so the delight/disgust continues…