How To Rise Above Tabloid Coverage
1. Buy all the tabloids you can get your hands on.
2. Spread them all out on a sad, bare mattress in a sad, bare room. This indicates depravity…kind of like the depravity of the tabloids. The concept is so genius it might make you dizzy so…
3. Lie down on the blanket of tabloids, and wallow in their filthy pages for the better part of a
photo shoot for GQ (a FPBP publication).
4. Put your finger in your mouth, but stop short of actual vomiting. Finger in mouth while lying on a bed of tabloids = cool indifference to the hurftul stories underneath your bare midriff. Vomiting on a bed of tabloids = sinking to their level. It's a fine line, but you're an artist, dammit, not some club-hopping party girl.
5. Make a video of all of the above.
Evidently, the best strategy for dealing with rumors and gossip is not to ignore them, but to literally roll around in them while a photographer from GQ takes pictures. Only by sinking really low can you rise above. It's a paradox, but true.