As you are well aware, at least once every summer, a movie trailer comes out that is so violently tedious, so aggressively unfunny that it throttles this thing known as comedy until it stops moving and lies slackjawed and motionless on screen. Since Friedberg & Seltzer (fortunately) don't have a fart-writing spectacle coming out for a while, the Robin Williams/John Travolta "We have to raise these kids together?!" groan inducer, Old Dogs stepped up to kill comedy. But now a new trailer has surfaced to fart, loudly, on the corpse of comedy because that's the funniest thing it can think of to do. That corpse-of-comedy defiler? I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. As far as I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is concerned, comedy is beyond dead. The only thing left to do now is mourn the loss by watching the trailer and cycling through the five stages of grief.
1. Denial.
"The first joke is 'Are the frogs telling you to kill that fat girl over there cause that's what they're telling me?' Really? Why not just walk over to the fat girl and point at your No Fat Chicks t-shirt and make a fart noise? At least it's more dynamic. This has to be a parody of some kind, right? Where's the Funny or Die logo? This can't be happening."
2. Anger.
"Wow. So you went to a strip club for a bachelor party this one time, Tucker Max? What a crazy fucking story! Good thing 'true story' = 'bucket of laffs.' I know when I was watching The Hangover, I thought, 'What this movie needs is more verisimilitude.' Your movie is like The Hangover, but doused in buckets of beige frat boy vomit."
3. Bargaining.
"Fine. So it's a thoroughly dull bachelor-party-gone-awry comedy, complete with obligatory public-urination-leads-to-jail scene. If we say that the 'I'm baking a quiche' line is funny (not true) instead of something that the salty, tired, old grandpa would say if someone caught him peeing in the litter box in a comedy void like Christmas Vacation (true), then can this movie just stop? No more. Please?"
4. Depression.
"A Magic Johnson AIDS joke? In 2009? That's the kicker for this trailer? Jesus. Nothing means anything anymore. There's just no point in going on."
5. Acceptance.
"Of course this movie just inexplicably transitions into a Paul Wall video at some point. Sure. It's a nightmare net, snagging everything awful and putting it all in one place. It's all over. RIP, Comedy."
For the full mourning experience, click below. Weep openly.