Before clicking play on Asher Roth's "I Love College," and releasing the aural equivelent of an Animal House poster painted beige on your defenseless eardrums, there are a few things you should know. Namely:
1. This song rhymes "Beer pong" with "Allen Iverson" and "wasted" with "wasted."
2. Asher Roth's delivery can best be described as "Eminem post massive oral surgery," while his lyrics can best be described as "Eminem post lobotomy."
3. It sounds like your brain falling asleep and/or TGIFridays.
4. As soon as you click play, you can almost hear thousands of frat boys around the country saying, "Man, I love this song!"
5. This song is probably Joe Francis' ringtone.
With all that in mind, if you still think you can stand "I Love College," by all means please click play below.
Credit where credit is due: with this song, Asher Roth has invented an entirely new genre of rap—Castrati Rap, so named not because Roth's voice is particularly high-pitched, but because the whole thing is just so neutered, bland, unfunny, and utterly toothless. The Beastie Boys wrote a song about getting drunk and partying too, but it didn't sound like a duh-tinged Hallmark card about beer pong. Also, it had a sense of humor. I kept waiting for a joke to swoop in and save the whole thing, but no. Unfortunately, the only joke here is on college students with taste, because I'm sure they have to endure this song on a daily basis.