The world seemed to return to normalcy last week when, after having informed Twitter “I’ve never eaten a Bagel in my life …” to widespread disbelief, Ice-T appeared to have finally eaten and somewhat enjoyed his very first bagel in a commercial for a dating app with a keen eye for viral marketing.
The story seemed to be over at that point, but, alas, an appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon is now set to complicate the Ice-T bagel saga further. In short, Ice is increasing his doughy Body Count by firing off a new volley in the war on breakfast by telling Fallon, and we quote, that “one bite [of bagel] felt like I ate a loaf of bread.”
“Why would I eat an unsweetened donut?” he adds, insisting, then, that the conversation move on to a different topic. Fallon, understanding that he must give the people what they want, pushes on, however, extracting more information as Ice-T’s Law & Order co-star, Mariska Hargitay, watches on. When asked about what he thought about trying coffee, another morning staple sampled in the dating app’s ad, Ice states, simply: “Black coffee: why would someone do that to themselves?” We learn that he prefers tea (and not because of his name) and that his wife hadn’t had a cheeseburger until she was 31, which people understand because she was a vegetarian. None of these facts properly deflect from the topic at hand, though.
Attempts to understand the bagel-free lifestyle also include Ice explaining, “Look, I’m from South Central. Can you imagine Snoop singing ‘rollin’ down the street, smokin’ Indo, eating some lox and bagels?’” This may be a shaky defense of his dietary choices, but the clip makes clear that Ice-T is done with all bagel-related queries and that this is the best we’re likely ever going to get.
“Listen: eat what you wanna eat,” he says. “I’ve eaten a lot of things.”
Send Great Job, Internet tips to [email protected]