Ivanka Trump’s husband, Jared Kushner, is often portrayed as either the president’s right-hand man, charged with everything from solving the opioid crisis to devising a solution to peace in the Middle East, or a cherub-faced dipshit who can’t stop colluding with Russians. In actuality, he is a bit of both, a distinctly Trumpian blend of incompetence and overconfidence. He fits right in with the rest of the crew.
But what if Ivanka Trump had stayed instead with her old boyfriend? You know, this guy:
Lord, what a world that would be! James “Bingo” Gubelmann and Trump dated from 2001 to 2005. In 2003, he made a documentary called Born Rich, starring Ivanka—which is probably meriting a re-watch in 2017—and he has since gone on to produce such fare as Werner Herzog’s My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done, and the recent Nic Cage flick The Runner. Last year, he got pinched doing coke with Maroon 5’s bassist, presumably in a despair spiral because his ex-girlfriend was happily married and well on her way to becoming one of the most powerful women in the world. Here they are in happier times, sharing a passionate embrace:
Anyway, the Bingo jokes write themselves.
Also, apparently Bingo is, over and above a funny person to imagine helping Trump run the White House, apparently an actually awesome guy.
Maybe when the shit really hits the fan on this whole “treason” thing Trump can reach out to him as a fixer. If you’re gonna go down in flames, you might as well have cocaine.