In the end of another obsolete industry, The Olsen Twins will cease all acting operations
In this week’s latest news of the decline of a once-powerful industry, the Olsen Twins have announced that they will cease the distribution of all acting editions of their brand, switching entirely to an all-fashion designer format. Speaking to Women’s Wear Daily (via The Huffington Post) about their new line of fragrances, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen confirmed they will discontinue the manufacturing of movies in which twin sisters engage in capers and hijinks involving sightseeing and cute boys—a business that at one point saw an estimated 25,000 video titles in circulation in all the major Wal-Mart bargain bins and slumber parties. However, at the turn of the millennium, subscriber interest inevitably dwindled as the sisters made the questionable choice to stick with aging, and soon found themselves unable to adapt to a changing marketplace that offered teens a broader range of entertainment, some of it even not awful.
“We have a video catalogue of everything we did when we were younger, so we’re looking at distribution for that now,” Ashley Olsen said of potential plans to reissue those films, possibly in a leather-bound volume for archivists, but added that, as of now, “they’re still telling stories and entertaining—but through their products.” (As proof, they offered this hilarious explanation for why they named their perfume “Nirvana”: “What’s that one word that’s going to define that one moment where you feel comfortable, sexy and at ease with yourself? For us, we always came back to our beds. That’s where I love to spend my time off.”)
While the Olsens will shut down all acting operations effective immediately, causing the unemployment of thousands of screenplays about twin sisters who are nevertheless also very different (like maybe one is into makeup, and the other is into punk pop music), they will continue to maintain a strong digital presence through creepy websites.