Inventory: Five Truly Useful Websites
1. Television Without Pity (televisionwithoutpity.com)
In those awful pre-digital times, you not only had to deal with setting the clock on your VCR—though that was good for some golden-age stand-up comedy—you also had to worry about the damn timer, which didn't work half the time. TV-watching has been streamlined by that godlike box called TiVo (predicted in Daniel 12:4, which reads, "…seal the words of the scroll until the time of the end"), but even that has its failings: The first episode of this year's 24 was mercilessly cut by the digital recorder when football ran late. But fear not, because Television Without Pity was there to describe, in unbelievable detail, exactly what you missed. Complete episode recaps are available for dozens of shows, and they're often interspersed with delightfully snarky commentary—written by people who clearly love watching TV.
2. Celebrity Nudity Database (cndb.com)
No longer will potential masturbators need to rent an actor's entire filmography searching for that elusive nipple, butt-crack, or mons. And sales of the Bare Facts Video Guide and Mr. Skin's Skincyclopedia: The A-To-Z Guide To Finding Your Favorite Actresses Naked must be in the toilet since the free Celebrity Nudity Database opened its digital doors. These people take their boobs seriously, too: There's an ever-changing list of the most popular nude or sorta-nude celebs. Today's biggie: Scarlett Johansson, who's never actually bared any of the big three onscreen, but is still worthy of user comments like "The lovely Scarlett is seen in a wet-T-shirt, nipple pokies clearly visible."
3. All Music Guide (allmusic.com)
Though not necessarily trustworthy as far as star-ratings go, the All Music Guide is amazing in its depth, with complete track listings and discographies for a staggering number of albums. Pay no attention to the fact that Morrissey's recent live album got four and a half stars—the highest rating in his catalog. Just revel in the fact that you can, with a couple of clicks, determine that "Blowin' In The Wind" was, in fact, the first track on The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, and that it's two minutes and 48 seconds long. You can even hear a snippet, if you're inclined.
4. Internet Movie Database (imdb.com)
The filmic big brother of All Music—and far superior to All Music's actual corporate sibling, All Movie—the IMDb could beat the crap out of any living human in the pink category of Trivial Pursuit. This sucker knows it all about almost any movie you can name, from Baby Face (you want the 1933 classic or the 1962 made-for-TV short?) to Star Wars. Who was the uncredited body double for the title character in 2005's worst movie, The Chumscrubber? It was Scotty Kyle. Duh!
5. Wikipedia (wikipedia.org)
The ultimate expression of democracy in all its wonderful and awful totality, Wikipedia is an encyclopedia that relies on Joe Q. Public for its entries. This is both good and bad. It's good because folks who are passionate about, say, Nikola Tesla, can help provide a comprehensive overview of the inventor's life, complete with references and recommended further readings. Bad because registered users can add an entry to Richard Gere's filmography called The Gerbil Stuffing Club. (And that isn't even funny.) But the users are also diligent police, correcting the entries quickly after they're mangled.