Ironically named Boaty McBoatface to survey appropriately named Doomsday Glacier

Boaty McBoatface, borne of humanity’s hubris, has evolved into a prophet of doom, a harbinger of apocalyptic tidings. Harken its warnings gleaned from the seas, or face certain destruction.

As reported by The A.V. Club’s sister site, Gizmodo, The RRS Sir David Attenborough’s lead research submersible is currently en route to the much-worried-about Thwaites Glacier, whose potentially imminent collapse could signal literal and figurate sea changes for our ongoing climate crisis. Upon its arrival alongside a fleet of other remote submersibles, Boaty McBoatface will spend extended time underneath the glacier near the seabed itself to collect further data on just how imperiled we all are.

Current research indicates the glacier’s ice shelf is melting away at a rate of 1.2 miles per year, a pace that puts it on schedule to fully erode by the year 2030. Still, much remains unknown about the specifics of the Thwaites Glacier’s situation, something Boaty will help to change in the coming weeks with some help from her dedicated team of researchers.

“What we only know is that the ocean is melting the ice shelves,” researchers from the International Thwaites Glacier Collaboration explained in an email. “But how much and how fast the ice shelves are melting are still uncertain. We want to get more data showing how much heat is transported toward the glaciers, and at the same time to get data showing how the ocean conditions are changing due to the melting glaciers,”

Heed her warnings, people. Boaty McBoatface will soon bring tidings from the frozen southland, and we would be wise to take those revelations to heart. It’s not too late to stave off the absolute worst effects of humanity’s fast-approaching reckoning, but it’s only through truth-tellers like… sigh… Boaty Mc-goddamn-Boatface that we will be able to adapt and change accordingly.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to [email protected]