Ding-dong and thank God, because the Waif is dead. The evil little sprite got her just deserts courtesy of Arya and Needle last week, earning A.V. Club editor-in-chief John Teti a whole bunch of fake money thanks to a sizable and gutsy bet. With “the battle of the bastards” set to take place this Sunday, we’re sure to get some more grizzly demises. The only real question is who will perish. Will Jon Snow take down Ramsay Bolton, or will Ramsay skin Jon and his lovely hair alive? Or will neither end up dead, thus marking them as doomed to meet again next season?
Only the show’s creators know, but in an effort to have fun and make fictional money, we’ve once again consulted our expert, nationally syndicated oddsmaker Benjamin Eckstein, as to who he thinks will get the ax—or the sword, pike, arrow, fist, giant’s foot, etc.—this week. We’ll bet accordingly, and the staffer that ends up with the most money at the end of the season will earn a prize that we still haven’t purchased or even really thought about. Godspeed, A.V. Clubbers. Godspeed.
2-1 Ramsay Bolton
The oddsmaker says: It’s not a matter of if he’ll die, just how. The people in Vegas would like him skinned, then, while still alive, eaten by a group of rabid Chihuahuas. Actually, that’s not all of Vegas. It’s just me.
The A.V. Club says: The word on the street is that he won’t die this season, but who knows if that’s true. We sure do want to see him dead, either way.
3-1 Tormund Giantsbane
The oddsmaker says: Every since Tormund made that silly commercial, we cannot take him seriously.
The A.V. Club says: We can see this wildling getting a nice fighting death.
4-1 Rickon Stark
The oddsmaker says: Another Stark goes down. My Magic 8 Ball says the chances are very good.
The A.V. Club says: How is Rickon even alive at this point, unless he’s not? Maybe Ramsay just shows up to the battle with his head on a pike.
5-1 Ser Davos Seaworth
The oddsmaker says: He has served nobly, but I heard that he’s ready to do some Shakespeare in the West End in London. See you, Ser Davos.
The A.V. Club says: Like Tormund, Ser Davos could go down in a blaze of glory this week.
5-1 Wun Wun, the wildling giant
The oddsmaker says: I love the giant, but damn, how is he going to hide? I’ll shed more than one tear when they climb on his body and put one in his throat.
The A.V. Club says: Benjamin makes some good points. He’ll take a bunch of people out, but he’s undoubtedly going to have a big target on his back once the battle begins.
8-1 Podrick Payne
The oddsmaker says: Has Brienne schooled Podrick well enough in the art of killing? Nope.
The A.V. Club says: Last week’s Bronn scuffle proved that poor Podrick has much to learn. It’s really only a matter of whether he and Brienne will make it back in time for the big battle.
8-1 The Hound
The oddsmaker says: I still think he takes down The Mountain. Brotherly love, baby.
The A.V. Club says: #CleganeBowl is certainly still a possibility. Whether or not he goes anytime soon really just depends on where he actually is at any given moment. Is he going to reunite with Arya? Is he going to King’s Landing? We’ll have to wait and see.
10-1 Brienne Of Tarth
The oddsmaker says: That would be so sad, but even the big ones have to fall.
The A.V. Club says: After last week’s longing looks and brooding stares between her and Jaime, it seems unlikely that she’ll go without some closure on that story.
10-1 Any member of the Brotherhood Without Banners
The oddsmaker says: That’s a nice price for the group.
The A.V. Club says: Like The Hound, we’re not sure where these guys are going. We’re thinking they’re more interested in self-preservation than fighting glory, though.
10-1 Benjen Stark
The oddsmaker says: Maybe he takes one in the eye to protect Jon Snow.
The A.V. Club says: He’s more interested in Bran than Jon. There’s no way he puts himself in that line of fire just yet.
15-1 Littlefinger
The oddsmaker says: He’s been kind of invisible this season, so maybe he gets the shiv in the finale.
The A.V. Club says: If Sansa’s letter is any indication, he’s coming back in time for the battle. He’s too smart to find himself on the pointy end of a sword in battle, though. He’ll stay behind the lines.
15-1 Ghost
The oddsmaker says: Not before he chews off the left nut of Ramsay Bolton.
The A.V. Club says: Like Tormund and Ser Davos, Ghost is a fighter.
15-1 Melisandre
The oddsmaker says: Even if she goes, she’s never gone.
The A.V. Club says: Where has she even been this season? We got the big old-lady reveal in episode one, and then she’s barely been on screen. Maybe that means she’s served her purpose.
20-1 Smalljon Umber
The oddsmaker says: I’m just not sure about him, or where he is.
The A.V. Club says: Assuming he shows up for battle with Ramsay, he could be a safe bet as far as someone who’s marked for death.
20-1 Robin of the Vale
The oddsmaker says: Really, who cares?
The A.V. Club says: There’s no way Littlefinger lets him get anywhere near the battle. The only way he goes is if Littlefinger takes him down himself.
25-1 Sansa Stark
The oddsmaker says: We already have a Stark getting dead as one of my top three favorites, so no Sansa.
The A.V. Club says: Ramsay surely wants her dead, but she’s got too many men around her to not exact some sort of vengeance first.
25-1 Meera
The oddsmaker says: She still has some Bran to handle.
The A.V. Club says: With Benjen watching over her and Bran, she’s probably safe for now.
30-1 Bran
The oddsmaker says: That poor kid has gone through so much. Why would anyone kill him?
The A.V. Club says: There are lots of reasons to kill Bran, but none that we saw in the trailer for this week’s episode. He seems safe for now.
50-1 Jon Snow
The oddsmaker says: It’s not happening. He’s got to be around. Love him, love the new hair.
The A.V. Club says: He already got it and came back to life once this season. Maybe this is where his arc ends.
100-1 No one on this list
The oddsmaker says: That’s not going to happen. I’m so sure that someone on this list will go, which is why I made the odds 100-1. How sure? If no one on our list goes, I will put on my Speedo and stand outside on the Vegas strip in front of the Siegfried and Roy statue chanting “shame on the oddsmaker.”
The A.V. Club says: We were pretty thorough in our list-making. If some sort of side guy doesn’t at least go this week, we’ll be shocked.
Over/under on total deaths: 5.5
Previous prophecies for profit:
5-1 Bran, Jon Snow, and Sansa end up together at the end of the season.
3-1 Jon Snow will find a dragon inside the wall and ride it. It’ll spit ice instead of fire.
3-1 Rickon’s direwolf did not really die. It’s a trick!
3-1 Daenerys Targaryen sleeps with Khal Moro and then kills him. (Nope. —ed.)
6-5 The Hound comes back to life. (Yep. —ed.)
Our picks this week are:
John Teti ($9,678 in his bank): $1,000 on Wun Wun, $1,000 on Brienne Of Tarth, and $2,000 on Tormund
Nick Wanserski ($6,625): $1,500 on Wun Wun, $1,000 on Rickon, $1,000 on Ramsay, and $500 on the over
Caity PenzeyMoog ($5,902.20): $2,000 on Wun Wun, $500 on Smalljon Umber, $500 on Ghost, $500 on Tormund, $200 on Davos Seaworth, and $100 on the over
Josh Modell ($4,025): $2,000 on Wun Wun, $500 on Smalljon Umber, $500 on Ghost, $500 on Tormund, $200 on Davos Seaworth, and $100 on the over. “Can I just copy Caity’s bets? I trust her.”
Marah Eakin ($2,073): $1,000 on Wun Wun, $500 on Rickon, $500 on Smalljon Umber, and $73 on Tormund. “I’m not waiting for the finale to risk it all.”
Erik Adams ($605): $300 on the over, $200 on Wun Wun, and $105 on Ramsay
Katie Rife ($545): $100 on Wun Wun, $50 on Rickon, $50 on the Brotherhood, and $100 on the over.
Alex McCown ($85): $50 on Wun Wun, $15 on Tormund, and $10 on Davos Seaworth
Danette Chavez ($40): $10 on the over, $10 on Tormund. “I need to save some money to lose next week.”