It's time to stop fashioning your ketchup-crusted dishrags into clothes and buy this $90 T-shirt from Gwyneth Paltrow

Now that you have taken the clogged-grease-trap-meets-the-New-York-subway-system that used to be your colon, and transformed it into a porcelain shaft fit for impromptu dinner parties and occasional silk production with the help of Gwyneth Paltrow's $425 "GOOP Cleanse," it's time that your outside reflects the carefully cultivated superiority of your insides. And finally, now you can slough off the duct-taped Arby's napkins that were the repulsive skin of your former self and clad it in "The Goop Tee," described by Paltrow's website with no modicum of urgency as an "essential wardrobe staple," hence its $90 price tag.

"But that just looks like a plain white T-shirt. Why would I pay $90 for something that routinely comes in packages of three for a third of the cost?" some naysayers might ask, dribbling veritable boulders of carbohydrates down the front of the potato sacks they've adapted into overalls. Because Paltrow and her collaborators Kain Label have fashioned their tee as a delightful homage to "tuxedo tailoring," with "grosgrain piping" on the shoulders and sides combining with its modern, shortened length to create a white T-shirt that is relaxed enough for a trip to the foyer, where you instruct your assistant on what sort of kumquats not to pick up from the farmers' market this time, yet still refined even when worn untucked, as Paltrow explicitly says she likes to wear hers. With that sort of versatility, you'd be a fool not to stock up on several for layering, on those cool summer nights when you need to be wrapped in something thicker than your own self-satisfaction. [via E! Online]