Jackie Chan is going to stop making action movies and be the "Asian Robert De Niro"

Declaring that he is both "too old" and "really, really tired," 58-year-old actor Jackie Chan told reporters at Cannes that his new action film, Chinese Zodiac, will be his last, making the announcement as quickly as he could before his brittle pelvis snapped in half. Of course, Chan has made these sorts of pronouncements before in recent years, but this time he says he really means it, citing not only his weathered body but also a general displeasure with how "the world is too violent right now," without so much as a slapstick interlude or comedic cultural misunderstanding to allay all the bloodshed both on screen and off. But stopping with all the kicking will allow audiences to see "the real Jackie Chan," the real Jackie Chan said, adding, "I want to be an Asian Robert De Niro"—a sentiment he expressed in the sense of his wanting to find more diverse roles, and in that, 10 years from now, Asia will be wondering aloud why the hell Jackie Chan agreed to be in this.