Most of us are lucky to get one saturated fat-laden Ben & Jerry’s flavor dedicated to us in our lifetime. (The A. V. Club’s official flavor, Critical Cone-descension, has not progressed beyond the testing stage due to its tendency to cause snark in lab rats.) Jimmy Fallon received his flavor in 2011—called Late Night Snack, its mix of salty snack-food goodness was overwhelmingly dominated by vanilla, an excellent metaphor for Fallon’s talents as a talk show host. But Fallon’s flavor was discontinued last year, a state of affairs that could not stand. So last night Fallon invited both Jerry and Ben on the show to reveal the big news: Jimmy Fallon has earned himself yet another Ben & Jerry’s flavor, and also probably diabetes.
The Tonight Dough, as it is called, contains caramel and chocolate ice cream combined with chocolate cookie swirls, peanut butter cookie dough, and chocolate cookie dough. Fallon unveiled his new flavor in a quiet and somnambulant manner, as is his wont. “This ice cream is the greatest! It is the best ice cream you will ever, ever have in your life,” says Fallon, with his usual calm, reserved sense of decorum. He then lifelessly shakes the hands of both Ben and Jerry, secure in the knowledge that any display of emotion or enthusiasm is not the Fallon way. Unlike, say, regularly checking your insulin levels.
In a more positive state of affairs, all of the proceeds from The Tonight Dough are going to charity, specifically the SeriousFun Children’s Network, a group that sponsors foster camps for children with serious illnesses. And thus does Fallon’s diabolical plot come full circle, as your rabid consumption of The Tonight Dough creates the very health problems that will allow you to experience the fun of camping due to your serious illness. See you at the capture the flag game!