Ted Cruz followed in Donald Trump’s footsteps last night (which is presumably how his ever-apoplectic adversary spun it) and sat down with Jimmy Fallon for the kind of genial chat that proves just as difficult for someone like Cruz to engage in as a press conference. The host donned his The Donald impression to give Cruz some friendly advice on how to navigate the late-night talk show, though it mostly involves referring to himself. The Texas senator doesn’t fare much better against a fake Trump, reciting some of his lines through gritted teeth.
In an effort to shore up Cruz’s confidence, the next segment sees Fallon walk the presidential candidate through his successful predictions for his own life, which included attending Princeton and Harvard, going into politics, and running for president, while leaving out becoming a sentient Simpsons quote generator. Fallon seems impressed, but not so much that he’s able to resist making a masturbation joke about Cruz being a “master debater.”
Cruz was not to be caught in the “sly” host’s web, telling Fallon that he was “not going to touch that,” which could pass for a masturbation joke on its own. But Fallon won’t let it go (heh)—he calls Cruz a “master debater” again when the pair discuss his odds for beating Trump. We’re not sure if the The Tonight Show host was trying to make some kind of point about the nature of politics, or if he’s just been watching too much CNN.