Prominent sleaze-pile Joe Francis will soon be taking on a vaguely human-like form to appear in court to stand trial for criminal tax evasion charges in Los Angeles. He's accused of deducting over $20 million in fake business expenses from his tax returns in 2002 and 2003—including $3.75 million to build a beachfront Mexican estate called Casa Aramara. According to documents dug up by The Smoking Gun, however, Francis's defense looks as though it's going to be spectacular—like, 55-year-old-salesman-who-just-learned-how-to-use-PowerPoint-20-minutes-before-a-meeting spectacular:
See, four famous people stayed at that Mexican house, so it's a totally legit business expense. Because without Orlanndo Bloooooom (his name is misspelled on the slide, I think, which is totally embarrassing!), you can't have a successful girls-who-take-off-their-tops DVD empire. Guys just won't buy the DVDs unless the Orlanndo Bloooooom Seal Of Porn Abloooomal is visible on the packaging. That's just a fact. And association with noted beige sad sack, Jennifer Anniston is the key to unlocking the frat boy market.
Then there's this slide:
Is it too late to add a third bullet point? How about:
• BOOM. Case Closed.
Because after seeing that slide, the jury foreman will no doubt raise his hand and say, "Excuse me, Your Honor. But can we all go home now? Mr. Francis is clearly not guilty. He in Business of Sex. He Successful. He Clean Floor with No Scrubbing. Mr. Francis Good Product."
But the most convincing part of Joe Francis's PowerPoint defense is the following pair of slides, comparing Joe Francis to Hugh Hefner:
Both Hugh Hefner and Joe Francis have exotic cars! And Sporting Events! And many expensive possessions! The only inference you can make after seeing those slides is that clearly, Joe Francis paid all the taxes he was supposed to. When the defense shows these to the jury, the prosecutor will just put his head on his desk and start crying, because after such a convincing PowerPoint, there is no way he can win.