Just be thankful that television exists

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, November 19. All times are Eastern.

Top pick

Party Down South: Drunksgiving (CMT, 9 p.m.): “The Party Down South cast celebrate Thanksgiving together in a rented house, where they drink beer, deep fry turkeys and reflect on all the things they’re thankful for.” Apparently, 75 minutes is the necessary amount of time to explore all of this beer drinking, deep frying, and reflecting. Honestly, who can blame CMT? This is the network’s highest rated series ever, and as such, it deserves its own Drunksgiving special. In a lot of ways, we all deserve this Drunksgiving special.

So Party Down South: Drunksgiving is the absolute top of all possible picks in the world of TV for Wednesday, November 19. Drink it in, people. Then reflect on why your own family and friends can’t be more like the cast of Party Down South, CMT’s highest rated series ever.

Also noted

Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.): Some people might think a focus on Green Arrow villain Cupid is the selling point of this week’s Arrow, but those people clearly didn’t read the description of the Thea plot. “Thea auditions new DJs for Verdant and meets a brash DJ with whom she immediately clashes.” That sounds like a Thanksgiving meet cute to me. And if there’s any reason people watch superhero shows—other than for Jada Pinkett Smith—it’s for meet cutes. Meet cute aficionado Alasdair Wilkins can’t wait to discuss this When Thea Met DJ situation.

The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.) / The Goldbergs (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): ABC got the memo that Thanksgiving is next week, so all of its sitcoms tonight are Thanksgiving-themed. (They’re so lucky that none of these sitcoms are set in Canada. What’s that all about by the way, ABC? Don’t answer this with some ABC versus CBC crap.) First up, there’s The Middle with “Thanksgiving VI.” Then, The Goldbergs celebrate the appropriately titled “A Goldberg Thanksgiving.” One of these episodes hinges on a bet over Jazzercise, which just so happens to be the exercise style for which Will Harris is most thankful.

Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): Next on the ABC Thanksgiving platter is Modern Family. With Phil and Luke taking over Turkey Day cooking duties this year, Claire secretly prepares another turkey, just in case. Joshua Alston is hopefully up to the task of explaining exactly why sitcoms go forward with plots as insane as this one, because surely no actual human being would ever do such a thing.

Black-ish (ABC, 9:30 p.m): Dre’s mother Ruby (Jenifer Lewis) arrives for Thanksgiving dinner, and considering the fact “Oedipal Triangle” is the title of the episode, sparks are going to fly. Pilot Viruet hopes those sparks aren’t too inappropriately sexual. Thanksgiving!

Top Chef (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Sorry, Party Down South, you’re not going to monopolize the basic cable Thanksgiving theme tonight. In “The First Thanksgiving,” the chefs are tasked with preparing a traditional Thanksgiving feast with tools, ingredients, and methods used in the 1600s. Sadly, neither Dave Rose nor Charles Boyle will be around to help the chefs out on the authenticity factor. Libby Hill will have to make do.

Regular coverage

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.)

The 100 (The CW, 9 p.m.)

South Park (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.)

American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX, 10 p.m.)

Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.)

The League (FXX, 10 p.m.)

TV Club Classic

Lost (Classic) (1 p.m.): In last week’s edition of Lost (Classic), Myles McNutt hyped up this week’s with simply three words: “Blast. Door. Map.” That’s not saying very much, but that’s all you’re going to get until his reviews for “Lockdown” and “Dave” drop.

Elsewhere in TV Club

In the latest TV Club 10, Genevieve Valentine takes us all back to a time when we could watch television movie adaptations of books in order to pass English Lit. Not that any of us ever did that, right?

Also, the latest Inventory has a list of 13 episodes of television that referenced their show’s cancellation. No, it’s not just Arrested Development listed 13 times.

Speaking of cancellation, Becca James’ For Our Consideration piece suggests that American Horror Story call it quits if it’s not going to stop repeating itself. She’s got a point, but the show really shouldn’t end until it repeats the Dylan McDermott crysturbating scene.

What else is on?

The Mysteries Of Laura (NBC, 8 p.m.): Sorry, Laura. You’re no longer the new shiny “I don’t know how she does it” show on the block. State Of Affairs is here now, and it has Parker Abrams from Buffy The Vampire Slayer in it. That’s hard to beat that, you know? Oh, now you’re saying middle-aged women can beat that? Prove it then, Laura. Prove it right now: “Religious motives are suspected in a couple’s murder. Meanwhile, Laura and Jake look for a new nanny and encounter a familiar face in their search.” I’m so disappointed in you Laura. You can do better.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC, 9 p.m.): There’s good news and there’s bad news with this week’s 16th season episode of Law & Order: SVU. The bad news is that the Dick’s Peacocking NBC Crossover Extravaganza—which was actually pretty good, by the way, save for some minor plotting missteps—is over, and it’s back to your regularly scheduled sex crimes. The good news is that the episode is titled “Spousal Privilege,” which can only mean that it will be a non-stop thrill ride about how a husband and wife can’t be arrested for the same crime.

Country Buck$ (A&E, 10 p.m.): A&E has a new “real-life” series with Country Buck$, which follows the lives of a Louisiana family that founded the hunting gear business of Wildgame Innovations. I wonder if the dollar sign in lieu of an “S” is something that the State Of Affairs creator thought of at one point. $tate Of Affair$. I like the $ymmetry.

Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): On the eve of the in-show CMA Awards, country superstar Rayna James is shocked by the very idea of her country superstar fiance Luke Wheeler wanting her to sign a prenuptial agreement. What a shocking state of affairs. Meanwhile, Avery apparently has parents, and the sentence “Deacon and Scarlett watch the awards show on TV” is probably a red herring for more Scarlett/homeless man shenanigans.

Stalker (CBS, 10 p.m.): The Mysteries Of Laura has already let us down, so let’s see if this week’s Stalker is going to fall into the same trap or if it will live up to State Of Affairs’ glory. In this week’s episode, “Skin,” “a father’s dark past surfaces when his family is terrorized and his home is vandalized.” Unless the episode title implies that the father is a skinwalker, this is just another disappointment.

Hot In Cleveland (TV Land, 10 p.m.): “Joy helps Victoria make lifestyle videos for her website while Melanie tries to install shelves without Frankie’s help.” Who cares? Charleston Tucker doesn’t care. Hot In Cleveland is on its death bed.

The Exes (TV Land, 10:30 p.m.): This is all your fault, isn’t it The Exes? “Holly searches for a boyfriend at a grief support group.” What is the support group for? People who can’t cope with the cancellation of Hot In Cleveland? How can you be so smug, The Exes? What have you ever done? Besides that Haskell/coffin episode? Huh? Huh?!?

The Dictator (FXX, 8 p.m.): If you choose to watch The Dictator, could you please let everyone know if Jason Mantzoukas is still in the movie? Okay, thanks, bye.

NBA Basketball: Spurs At Cavaliers (ESPN, 7 p.m.): Last season: The Cavs sans LeBron James were 0-8 against the Spurs. This season: Oh boy, LeBron has so much work to do for this team. Oh boy.

Lucha Underground (El Rey, 8 p.m.): There are not enough words to truly explain why Lucha Underground is the single best wrestling promotion on television right now. It really is something you must see to believe, and it’s definitely something to be thankful for. Take notes, everybody (except NXT—you keep doing you): This is how it’s done.

Impact Wrestling (Spike, 9 p.m.): Sadly, if you want an example of how it’s not done, you can tune in to what is supposedly the final episode of TNA Impact Wrestling on Spike TV. The rumor is that the promotion will soon be making its new home on Destination America—a network that supposedly exists—but this is the end of an era. Bram versus Tommy Dreamer (in a Hardcore Rules match) is on the card, and if that isn’t the saddest thing to read about an already sad occasion, then I’m not sure what is.

In case you missed it

Person Of Interest: In last night’s What’s On Tonight, Person Of Interest was named “The People’s Top Pick, Now And Forever.” That’s not an official designation, but Alexa Planje’s review and the show itself still deserve the attention.

 
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