Katy Perry will star in her own 3-D concert movie, and there are three ways we can talk about this

Here are three different options for reading this Newswire. Choose your own path.

Option A, in which we report only the most salient information: According to The Hollywood Reporter, Paramount has hired Project Runway and Top Chef producers Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz—who also previously wrangled manufactured reality as the producers of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never—to direct a 3-D concert movie starring Katy Perry. The quick-turnaround film will combine concert performances with intimate backstage footage, providing a well-rounded, three-dimensional look at the pop singer at the height of her fame.

Option B, in which we indulge our baser instincts: Boobs.

Option C, in which we distract you with a Dadaist non sequitur: Don’t set that cow on fire, unless you want to get arrested by the Meatloaf Squad.