Close your eyes. Make a wish. And blow out the candlelight. For tonight is the night… we’re gonna bid on a 15-minute Zoom call with Keanu Reeves for charity. Keanu Reeves knows his worth, which is why the extremely hot and good performing artist occasionally known as John Wick is auctioning himself off for a charitable cause. The actor has teamed up with Camp Rainbow Gold to generate donations for the organization, which aims to “provide emotionally empowering experiences to Idaho’s children diagnosed with cancer and their families.” Reeves is offering a 15-minute Zoom call (your own private Zoom call!) to the highest bidder in a competitive auction that’s already hit $16,700 from a starting bid of $14,900. The auction began on June 16 and will continue until June 22, giving people plenty of time to realize that surely a 15-minute Zoom call with Keanu Reeves is worth a fuck of a lot more than $16,700.
Think of all the things you can discuss on your Zoom call with Keanu Reeves: His globe-trotting background, his magnificent hair, that time he worked with Tilda Swinton, or his age-appropriate girlfriend (or not, if you’d rather spend your 15 minutes pretending you’re on a romantic Zoom call with your long-distance boyfriend, who just so happens to be Keanu Reeves). Maybe you can ask him for self-defense tips, since he’s well-versed in martial arts and other action-y things. Listen, it’s your 15 minutes in heaven so you can do whatever you want, but if this were me, I’d turn it into a one-on-one virtual pizza date with the handsomest, kindest, and most chill dude on the planet.