Multi-faceted thespian Kevin James—whose best-known roles include Kevin-James-as-a-Fed-Ex-guy, Kevin-James-as-a-video-game-president, and, most taxing by far, Kevin-James-as-a-long-time-friend-to-Adam-Sandler—is about to show off his chameleonic talents once again, announcing today that he’s returning to CBS for a sitcom where he’ll play a henpecked former cop.
The show, from James, King Of Queens producers Rock Reuben and Jeff Sussman, and The Drew Carey Show’s Bruce Helford, doesn’t have a title yet, but is expected to star the comic actor as a newly retired cop who comes to realize that retiring to a house with a wife, three kids, and the looming specter of a career that seems to slowly but surely be spiraling in on itself, isn’t as fun as it’s cracked up to be. (In the spirit of helping out, here are our suggestions of fun possible names for the multi-camera series: House Arrest. Handcuff Dad. Help, I’m Kevin James And I’m Trapped In An Existential Hell Of Sad, Goofy Doofuses. Fart Cop.)
CBS president Glenn Geller—who’s given the series a 13-episode commitment, expected to begin in 2016—expressed his delight at having James back in the fold, practically shouting in a statement that, “We’re beyond thrilled to be back in business with Kevin James!” Then, in the imaginary version of this scenario we’ve decided to pretend happened next, Geller suddenly whipped his head around, having lost sight of the comic star. “Wait,” he asked, suddenly confused. “Where has Kevin gone? Kevin? KEVIN?!!”
But Kevin James, cunning master of obfuscation and disguise, had slipped away, losing himself again in the vast and timeless human sea.