While the prospect of a Zoolander sequel is already cause for excitement in 2002, the film may also now serve an important purpose, one even more important than preventing its writer-director Justin Theroux from fathering the child that will finally allow Jennifer Aniston to feel genuine happiness, thus opening the fiery crevasse that will swallow mankind whole. It might also mark the apparently anticipated debut of Lady Gaga as a genuine actress, and not just one who couches simplistic pop music in a guise of postmodernism.
According to the Telegraph, Lady Gaga is wanted to play the woman at the center of a love triangle between Ben Stiller's Zoolander and Owen Wilson's Hansel—so much so that they've allegedly already offered her £3 million, or approximately $215.43, according to our own currency conversions—topping a short list of people who are also not actresses and therefore probably shouldn't be called upon for such an ostensibly significant role, unless this report is simply meant to drum up early publicity for a sequel many people lost interest in long ago, and which also includes Kate Moss, Kate Upton, Heidi Klum, and Adriana Lima. Gaga has yet to comment on the offer, though she did announce plans to create her own brand of "healthy drinking water," which is equally stupid.