Lend your sober, considered chuckles and guffaws to the misremembered events of Drunk History 

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, July 9. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

Drunk History (Comedy, 10 p.m.): After gathering a sizable and enthusiastic following on online computer boxes, the website video series Drunk History makes its debut in expanded televisual form this eve. Delight in the ribald antics of Jack Black, Dave Grohl, Bob Odenkirk, Adam Scott, and other mainstays of the comedic stage and screen as they re-enact the historical remembrances of the uninhibited and inebriated. In the spirit of the show, Steve Heisler is already pretty fucking ripped and ready to relay these wasted recollections to you, the reader.

Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family, 8 p.m.): The little liars are preparing to go where all impulsively watchable high-school dramas go to die: College. Joe Reid has presumably seen what campus life did to Gossip Girl, and he’s hoping Pretty Little Liars doesn’t make the same mistakes.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8 p.m.): Will the second elimination episode repeat the mistakes of last week’s installment by giving two hoofers the boot and then making them perform uncalled-for steps of shame? If so, Oliver Sava is fully prepared to angrily tweet his review at Nigel Lythgoe one word at a time.

The Shield (Classic) (11 a.m.): The title “Streaks And Tips” refers to a bet made between members of the Strike Team and the newly installed decoy squad, so we’re guessing it doesn’t refer unfortunate hairdo choices. If anyone needs Brandon Nowalk, he’ll be busy Photoshopping Mark McGrath’s “Fly”-era frosted tips on a Michael Chiklis JPG.

The Office (Classic) (3 p.m.): If TV shows can be categorized by the holiday themes they did best, then The Office is decidedly a Christmas show. But it also did Halloween well—in that it only did a few Halloween episodes, the first of which is being reviewed this week. This explains why Erik Adams is only responding to “Three-Hole-Punch Erik” today.

Swamplands USA (Animal Planet, 8 p.m.): In a shrewd bid to capitalize on the viewing public’s hankerin’ for reality-TV swamp dwellers, Animal Planet claisms ever boggy wetland in the continental U.S., forcing competitors to seek out ’gator-wrasslin’ and/or moonshinin’ crazies in other locales—like Sweden, perhaps. (News flash: “TruTV is proud to announce its upcoming series IKEA Rednecks.”)

Property Envy (Bravo, 10 p.m.): The Fashion Police model is applied to real estate, minus the bitchiness, plus some unorthodox topic choices—for instance, the second of tonight’s two episodes focuses on lavish properties that were once houses of worship.

The Jeselnik Offensive (Comedy, 10:30 p.m.): It’s been a summer of good news (“So long, DOMA!), bad news (“The state of Texas would like full control of your ovaries, please”), and neutral news (“PRISM—where do we stand on this today?”), all of which has gone un-commented-upon by Anthony Jeselnik and his panel of comedic colleagues. Making up for lost time, the comic doubles down on the venom with a season première featuring Jim Norton and Amy Schumer.

Ain’t That America With Lil Duval (MTV2, 11:30 p.m.): In other comedy-panel developments, Guy Code contributor Lil Duval turn his gaze from the dumb shit men do to the dumb shit all Americans do. In the spirit of U.S. equality, all will be gently razzed!

The Pledge (IFC, 8 p.m.): According to TV Guide, “Benicio Del Toro is virtually unrecognizable as a murder suspect” in this Jack Nicholson-headlined, Sean Penn-directed mystery—which bodes well for any future murders Del Toro wants to commit. (“Suspect is virtually unrecognizable” reads a made-up police report.)

Bull Durham (TVGN, 8 p.m.): One question about this film’s most famous moment: If minor-league catcher “Crash” Davis believes in long, slow, soft, deep, wet kisses that last three days,” how does he ever manage to get behind the plate?

WNBA Basketball: Atlanta at Minnesota (ESPN2, 9 p.m.): The two best teams in the league face off on the Lynx’s home turf, one game after they won by nearly doubling their opponents score. Then again, Atlanta’s only lost one game this season, so this is anyone’s ball game.

Get Out Alive With Bear Grylls: Man of Man Vs. Wild returns to wild, to show men and women that they too can go head-to-head with nature. Bear Grylls disciple Kevin McFarland wrote his review on a computer made out of twigs, twine, pine needles, and an iBook G4 someone left behind on a camping trip in 2005.