Let's remember all of 2017's 12th Questions
For the past couple of years, The A.V. Club has used its 11 Questions feature to ask celebrities about their first concerts and most embarrassing phases. Part of that feature—the 12th question—also asked the interviewee to come up with a question for the next interview subject without generally knowing who they were. Those 12th questions have been weird, smart, and fun, and it seemed a shame to end 2017 without putting them together all in one piece. Thus, the following, which puts together the daisy chain of randomness known as “the 12th questions.”
Jim Gaffigan asked:
JG: How would you fix the divisiveness that exists in this country?
John Larroquette answered:
JL: I’d turn off the internet for a month and make us actually talk to each other, and be responsible for your opinions and not be able to hide behind the anonymity of the cyber-wall to speak your mind. To actually have to face people and see their reactions and discuss it—actually discuss it. It won’t happen. Unless the grid goes down.
And then he asked:
JL: Who’s the one person that you’ve met that you regret not becoming better acquainted with?
Kurt Braunohler answered:
KB: I mean, so many people. There are so many people that I’ve met, and I just never paid attention to anything other than having fun most of my life. Only in maybe the past six years did I start thinking of what I do for a living as a valuable craft that needs to be nurtured in some way. And so, for the most part, I just was like, “Yeah, nice to meet you,” and just walked away. I’ve met so many great comedians and never followed up with them, never did anything. I was just in my own little fucking weirdo world. So I would say almost everyone? I don’t have a specific regret.
And then he asked:
KB: “How many times do you have to fail at something before you think, ‘Maybe this just isn’t for me’”?
June Diane Raphael answered:
JDR: Interesting. Once. That’s one of my greatest strengths. I’m a Scorpio rising—we’re very decisive. I’m very good at cutting things off that don’t feel right. Anyone who knows my professional history has known I’ve gone through a gazillion managers and agents or whatever. I’m like, “This doesn’t feel right—moving on.” I don’t really suffer fools, which makes it easier for me. I do a lot of coaching with my friends on how to get out of relationships with their agents, boyfriends, contractors, whatever, because that’s easy for me.
And then she asked:
JDR: When was the last time you had a lot of fun?
Caroline Dhavernas answered:
CD: The most fun I had recently… traveling. I went to Greece in October, and that was a revelation. I went in October when the tourists had all gone and I had complete beaches to myself and that was a great feeling. The beauty of that place is stunning, and the variety of that beauty—and the food, yeah.
And then she asked:
CD: What’s the piece of clothing in your wardrobe that you would never get rid of?
Claudia O’Doherty answered:
CO: I am obsessed with sweaters. I’m trying to think of my most cherished sweater that I wear the most and would never get rid of. Well, I have a yellow raincoat that I bought when I lived in London, but, you know, in L.A., it would seem to be very useless. But when it does rain you feel like a genius for having it. I do use it in a live set that I do sometimes. So, it’s useful professionally and personally.
And then she asked:
CO: I would like to know what is the next person’s signature dinner party dish, and then I would like the recipe for it.
Murdoc from Gorillaz answered:
MN: Great question, Claudia. It may surprise people to learn that Murdoc Niccals loves hosting a soirée. Course, these days I get my grub bicycled in by some sweaty chump on minimum wage. The second those delivery apps came out, I slung my oven in a skip like the rest of humanity. But back in the dark ages I used to whip up quite a spread. The key is to get your guests totally slotted before the entrées, that way they won’t know what they’re eating. By the time you serve the main course, they’re eating fucking roadkill like it was a chateaubriand. Badger, fox, hedgehog—whatever I could run over in the Rolls. “This meat is to die for, Murdoc! And what’s the savory crumble on the side?” Gravel. You’re eating gravel, mate. Foodies, eh? Oh, doorbell. That’ll be the Macedonian nachos I ordered. See ya.
And then he asked:
MN: The greatest inspiration in my life is me. Who’s your greatest inspiration, and what would you say to them if you met?
Hasan Minhaj answered:
HM: My biggest inspiration is black America and what they’ve done in the arts. I have always felt like an outsider in America, and what black Americans have done to add their chapter to this book called the American dream, and to be so unapologetic and true, and have added so much to art and culture in the world. Some of the greatest inspirations in my life have been black Americans. Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, Notorious B.I.G.—they’ve all been great storytellers that were unapologetically themselves and added so much to this thing called the American dream. And me, as this Indian-American Muslim kid who was trying to add his narrative to the story called the American dream, add his chapter—new brown America wouldn’t be possible without black America. And I just wanted to say thank you. They’ve been a huge inspiration, to myself and this country.
And then he asked:
HM: You have 24 hours to live. What do you do that last day?
Casey Wilson answered:
CW: Grief! I’m like, oh, god. I think I’d probably do some hallucinogenics to slow down time. And then cuddle my son into my oblivion.
And then she asked:
CW: What memory always makes you smile?
Craig Robinson answered:
CR: My parents would take me over to my grandma’s house and she had this big piano. And I would just pound on it while she was cooking in the kitchen, and I’d run in there and go, “How was that, Grandma?” And she’d always say, “Beautiful, baby!” so then I would just go and pound on it some more.
And then he asked:
CR: What gives you balance?
Dan Savage answered:
DS: Pot.
Balance? Yeah, just pot. I came to pot late in life, but it’s very centering for me. I’ll exercise. I’m one of those people who—my mother was on antidepressants, a lot of people in my family are on antidepressants, I’m not. I think it’s because I exercise maniacally. Exercise is a natural antidepressant. If I can’t exercise because I’m too busy, I get depressed. I’m off my meds. I feel the same way about pot. Those two things together. Pot and movement. Biking and snowboarding and running around and going to the gym and walking places instead of sitting in a car.
My husband last weekend thought it would be fun to rent a boat, and so we rented a boat on a lake and drove to that lake and spent the day on the boat and we really just spent the whole day sitting on our asses. We’re sitting on our asses in the car for three hours, and then sitting on our asses in the boat for 10 or eight. And that to me is not relaxing. It just made me feel kind of tense and depressed at the end of the day. I just can’t sit on my ass. You know, you write. We spend our workdays sitting on our ass. I don’t understand people who at the end of the workday sitting on your ass want to go someplace else and sit on your ass, whether it’s a bar or movie theater or the couch in front of their TV in their apartment. When I get done sitting on my ass at work all day, I’ve got to run around.
And then he asked:
DS: When was the last time you had a three-way?
David Hasselhoff answered:
DH: A real man will never tell you when or the truth or anything, because that’s personal. I think that that’s the way to look at stuff like that, because that’s too personal. No one will ever know.
And then he asked:
DH: Why do you take life so seriously?
Jay Baruchel answered:
JB: Because somebody fucking has to. That’s my answer. Because somebody fucking has to. Someone’s still got to give a shit.
And then he asked:
JB: What do you hate most about yourself? And you’re not allowed to say “I’m too nice.”
Steve Guttenberg answered:
SG: The autonomic default thinking that I do.
AVC: Meaning what?
SG: Meaning I’m just thinking all the time. There are times when I don’t really need to think. You know what I mean? If you think about stuff for five hours, you really only need to do like five minutes and the rest of sort of rehashing it and dramatically going over it.
And then he asked:
SG: If you could go bowling with three people, who would it be? No, five people. If you could go bowling with five people, who would it be?
Daniel Radcliffe answered:
DR: Oh, I’m a terrible bowler. I would definitely take my girlfriend because she’s very good and, obviously, she’s a great bowler and also, I love her, she’s amazing company, so that would be great. And who else? Jesus. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I know that’s probably an answer a lot of people would give at the moment, but I remember the guy who dressed me on Potter—that was also the guy who used the “glassblower’s asshole” phrase—he dressed The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, on his previous movie just before starting Potter, which I believe was one of the Mummy movies. That was the coolest thing in the world to me. This costume guy, Will, became my immediate hero for having been in proximity to Dwayne Johnson. I was a very, very big WWF fan when I was younger. So him, my girlfriend… five people is tough. Maybe Usain Bolt? Just to see if he’s good at everything? I’m pulling stuff out now. Can they be dead?
AVC: Yeah, they can be dead.
DR: Then also I’ll say Mikhail Bulgakov, the guy who wrote Master And Margarita, because it’s my favorite book and that would be fun. It would be good to talk to him. And Tom Lehrer! There you go. It combines all my other answers.
And then he asked:
DR: Do you like your name?
Robert Englund answered:
RE: I do, but my wife’s maiden name sounds even better as my last name.
AVC: What’s that?
RE: Booth. Robert Booth. I just like the way that sounds. But I like Robert Englund. If I had to do it all over again—my name’s Swedish—I might have put an “a” in there instead of a “u.” Because I trained a little bit over in England. But other than that, yeah, I like my name. When I was young, I was “Bobby” and “Bob” and “Robbie” for a long time, though.
And then he asked:
RE: Since it’s me, here’s a great one. It’s general, but it’s coming directly from me. Ask them what their nightmares are. Do they have a recurring nightmare, and what is it?
John Reynolds answered:
JR: This is so cool. What a perfect question. I loved all the Nightmare On Elm Street movies as a kid, the Freddy song the little girls sang while jumping rope was so damn scary.
I do have a recurring high-school nightmare where I haven’t been to class all year, and I have to go to class and get scolded by my teachers. I get lost in the school, it looks just like my high school, Madison West High, but it is way bigger and has way more right angles. [Laughs.] Whenever I wake up from this dream, I always feel panicked and it takes me a little while to realize that I do indeed have a high school degree and I don’t need to stress about that shit.
I also have recurring dreams about my teeth falling out. And I have one where there’s this giant glass box in the middle of this beautiful neighborhood and it’s filled with tigers, and I hold the only giant key to the box. I’ve also had a dream a couple times where the principal of my middle school is The Mask from Jim Carrey’s The Mask. It is so funny. He skateboards too. I love when he pops up in my dreams.
And then he asked:
JR: If you could be any inanimate object in any place in the world, what would it be and why?
Shane Torres answered:
ST: That’s a good question. I don’t fuckin’ think like that. I think I would be “Touchdown Jesus” [the “Word Of Life” mural] at Notre Dame stadium. The view would be good, people would like me. It’s a pretty vain pick when you think about it, because you’re also God. I don’t know about the winters, though. That seems blasphemous. But basically I’ve wanted to go to Notre Dame games my whole life, and I’ve never been to one.
And then he asked:
ST: “When was the last time you had a conversation with someone you didn’t agree with?” How do I say it? “Are you friends with someone you don’t agree with on something that’s important to you?” It’s so echo-chambery in the world right now. “Who do respect that you also disagree with?”