Lindsay Lohan moves closer to playing porn star, about which no jokes can be made

In the category of “comments that write themselves,” Lindsay Lohan is said to be moving ever closer to being a porn star [intentionally misleading, Extra-style pause for effect] in the independent film Inferno, taking on the role of Linda Lovelace in the story of the Deep Throat actress. An official announcement is said to be coming from producers at the Cannes Film Festival later this month, but the long bandied-about rumors have just received confirmation from photographer Tyler Shields, who most recently helped Lohan nab attention for something besides being fired by photographing her topless, covered in blood, and playing "just the tip" with a gun, all in the name of ART. Shields said he spoke to Inferno director Matthew Wilder about bringing some of that same ARTistic sensibility to promos for the film—which doesn’t need any promoting at all, considering everyone everywhere is anxiously awaiting for Lohan to prove once and for all that her reputation for being difficult, unbankable, and a walking emblem of wasted potential is just a vast tabloid-created conspiracy. This should do the trick.