It's Fashion Week here in New York, a time of year when Project Runway also-rans, models, and yards and yards of fabric-covered attitude triangulate to offer a particularly sharp and stupid vision of what everyone will be wearing this fall. It's like looking into a Magic-8 ball filled with trends as shaken by Chloe Sevigny. In other words, most of these clothes have no basis whatsover in reality, unless, of course, your reality is Human Jiffy Pop Bag.
Still, many of the ideas that shuffle down the runways this week will eventually trickle down to the realest place in all of reality: the mall. So what looks can you expect to see at Forever 21 next year (or whenever they can get a good price on that fabric that practically disintegrates after one wash)? Here are a few:
Sad, Life-Size Victorian Doll Look
Did you cry when you read The Secret Garden? Do you want people to cry when they look at you? Well, nothing evokes more tears than seeing an adult with a giant bow on her head. Forever 21 would manufacture those bows in every color of the rainbow.
I'm A Soldier In The Army Of Style
It's Rhythm Nation for the aughts. Finally.
Schizophrenia
Can't decide which print to wear? Don't. Pretty soon, Forever 21 will be sewing all of them together into shapeless sacks so you won't even have to think about it.
My Shoulders Are Quite Overheated
Scissors + existing Forever 21 clubwear = this Taylor Dane 2.0 look.
This Apocalypse, I'll Be Skiing
Every wonder what Mad Max would be like in cold weather? Of course not. That's why you don't design clothes.
The Biggest Loser: Gossip Girl Edition
Oversized clothes are exceedingly easy to manufacture because they require absolutely no precision—So this look is a no brainer for Forever 21.