Mad Max reboot confirms the future will have silly names, delicious word burgers

As demonstrated by The Hunger Games and M. Night Shyamalan's upcoming After Earth, the future is a starved and desolate place where normal Christian names have been depleted just like any other resource. (So thanks for having all those kids, Mormons.) And so it goes with the forthcoming Mad Max: Fury Road, the Tom Hardy-starring reboot that will, according to a just-released synopsis, one-up characters from the original films such as "Mudguts," "Pig Killer," and "Master" and "Blaster" by visiting a dystopian world where "Mad Max" counts as "John Smith," basically.

In the George Miller-directed film, boring old Mad Max will be shunned and ridiculed by far more inventively named people such as Charlize Theron's "Imperator Furiosa," "Nux," "The Dag," "Fragile," "Miss Giddy," "Slit," "Rictus Erectus," and "Coma-Doof Warrior," plus a trio known collectively as "The Wives" in which "Zoe Kravitz plays Toast, Riley Keough is Capable, and Rosie Huntington-Whitely is Splendid"—all of these excellent names for your baby should you be expecting to survive the apocalypse (particularly "Coma-Doof Warrior," if you're Jewish). Somewhat redundantly, the synopsis also notes that the film is "based on the Word Burgers of the History Men," as are most things. Frankly, we wouldn't trust a film that was not, and neither should you.