The first issues of magazines tend to behave toward their readers like suitors on a first date: They put their best face forward, make empty promises about how they'll be different from the others, and do everything they can to keep you from thinking about the unsettling fact that most ventures, whether romantic or literary in nature, are doomed to fail. The first issue of the relaunched Notorious is no different. In separate letters to readers, publisher and grizzled newshound Sean "Puffy" Combs and editor David Anthony vow to inform and inspire, stay on the cutting edge, and generally deviate somehow from the numerous other glossy publications that litter newsstands. This commitment is evident in Notorious' choice of cover story. Rather than follow the well-tread paths of Details and Maxim and put a scantily clad, nubile starlet on its cover, Notorious' front page features a scantily clad, nubile male starlet, dreamy Cruel Intentions star Ryan Phillippe. In the accompanying interview, Arty Baker tries very, very hard to convince readers that there is something about Phillippe that somehow makes him different from every other handsome young actor on the planet. Notorious also features such ground-breaking fare as fawning mini-interviews with such pop-culture deadweight as Ahmet and Dweezil Zappa and Sandra Bernhard, as well as numerous photos of attractive celebrities looking attractive. The issue's big think piece, an essay by Cheo Hodari Coker on why rock is dead, is interesting in theory but shoddy and almost laughably misguided in practice. For example, Coker asserts that all big-selling new rock acts have implemented elements of rap in their work, a statement that will come as a big surprise to the millions of people who buy albums by such uber-Caucasians as Matchbox 20 and Jewel. To its credit, Notorious does feature an interesting interview with Roots drummer Ahmir Talib Thompson, as well as a familiar but readable article about a Bangkok pimp, but for the most part, Notorious is as shallow, glossy, and derivative as the music of its publisher.