March 12, 2008

I'm
in my final year of high school and I decided to come out as a lesbian—a
very foolish move as I live in a small town that's not exactly brimming with
tolerant people. But I know there are other closeted people at my school and I
figured if none of us ever take the first step, it won't ever get any better
around here. But the response from my peers was worse than I expected. It's
nothing too terrible, no physical violence, and in the beginning I could cope.
But it's been a while now and I guess I need some advice. It just isn't getting
better and I'm getting tired of it. I have to park two streets away so people
don't write shit on my car, someone's hacked my user account and deleted
important coursework, I'm either told I'm dressing like a dyke or trying to be
a girl depending on what I choose to wear on any given day. I'm avoiding
classes that I don't have friends in because even if nothing is said (though it
often is), the atmosphere is horrible. And none of this is that big a deal
compared to what others have to go through, I know, but I'm sort of at the end
of my tether.

Reporting
it to staff is useless because they just tell me there isn't any proof and do
fuck all. I've got some teachers looking out for me, but they can't really do
anything, either. I have some supportive friends, thank God, but it's all just
becoming a bit too much, and I need some advice on how to cope through the last
few months until I can get out of this shithole town.

Tired And Losing It

Here's
what you need to do, TALI: Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself
that is the nadir, the bottom, the worst it's ever going to get. Once you get
out of your high school and out of your shithole hometown and get your ass off
to college—to a big state school or private secular university—you won't be the only out queer
anymore. Hell, you'll be surrounded by out fags and dykes and bisexuals. I
can't promise you that you'll never encounter a bigot again, of course, or that
all the fags and dykes you meet over the course of your life will be good
people. But you will never again feel as vulnerable or persecuted or alone as
you do right now.

And
while you're talking to yourself in the mornings, TALI, tell yourself this,
too: "Fuck my school, fuck my classmates, and fuck this town." The shits
conspiring to make you miserable, TALI, are unlikely to have lives anywhere
near as interesting as the one on which you're about to embark. Your classmates
are making you miserable now because they know, deep down in their little black
hearts, that their lives are going to be duller than day-old douche water
compared to yours. Their lives aren't going to be dull because they're
straight, TALI, but because the value they place on conformity—that's the
reason they feel they have a right to abuse you now—is a prison they've
constructed around themselves.

Right
now they're making you feel like an outcast, TALI, and the malice stings. But
what exactly are they casting you out of? Your high school? Their asshole
cliques? That shit town? You haven't been cast out, TALI; you've been
liberated. Freed. Sprung.

I'm
a 16-year-old gay boy. I grew up in an evangelical Christian home. Being the
intelligent chap I am, I forgot to clear the history off the computer after
looking at pornography one day last October. I got yelled at until I cried that
night, and again the next morning, and every day for two weeks. I wasn't
allowed to use the computer for a year, and I was forced to attend church
nightly. The electronics embargo has ended, so I can watch porn again at least,
but I've been forced into the closet by my parents. They both ask me every
night whether or not I have a girlfriend, whether or not there are any cute
girls in my grade, stuff like that. My mom tears up every time I say that I
don't have a girlfriend. My dad sends me links to antigay articles that
describe homosexuality as unnatural and an abomination. Once I made the mistake
of sending an article back to him countering his points about homosexuality and
he stormed into my room and broke both my cell phone and MP3 player in half.

What
the hell should I do about my parents? Will I ever be able to come out? Or will
I have to lie to my parents and wait for them to die?

Christian Parents Angrily Chastise

Your
parents—your vicious, clueless parents—are abusing their authority
and their power, CPAC, which can make it tempting to fantasize about their
deaths. Hell, I'm tempted to come over and kill them myself. But your only
option right now, I'm sorry to say, is to lie to them. Tell your asshole
parents what their assholes ears want to asshole hear: "It was just a phase,
Mom and Dad, I was just curious, I'm totally straight, Jesus is the only dude
I'll ever get on my knees for, blah blah blah." Get yourself a fag hag, delete
gay web-browsing histories, create and refrain from deleting straight
web-browsing histories, and bide your freakin' time.

In
two short years you'll be an adult, CPAC, and you'll be able to come out to
your mom and dad—and, even better, you'll be able to tell them to suck
it. Demand an apology for the emotional and spiritual violence they inflicted
on you, CPAC, and if one isn't forthcoming, refuse to see your parents or have
anything to do with them until they apologize. They're currently using all the leverage they have as parents to make sure
you're miserable—aka closeted—for the rest of your life. Once
you're an adult, CPAC, you'll have to use the only leverage you have—your presence in their
lives—to make them into the loving, respectful, supportive parents you
deserve, deserved all along, and that it's not too late for them to become.

Four
months ago, my mom walked in on me messing around with my boyfriend in our
garage. I'm also a boy, age 15, and I hadn't gotten around to coming out to my
parents yet. I felt bad that my mom had to find out by seeing what she saw. I
stayed in my room crying until my father came home. They called me down to the
kitchen and told me they loved me and that they were very, very sorry if they
had ever done or said anything that made me feel like I couldn't be open with
them about who I am.

My
boyfriend is 17. He came out to his parents at Christmas, and our parents met
for the first time last night. We don't have a question. We just wanted to
thank you and thank all the other gay people who came out back when it was much
tougher to do so. Our parents wouldn't have reacted the way they did if it
weren't for all you guys that already came out.

We're Out Now

Thanks
for the sweet note, WON. It's too bad that all teenagers, gay and straight,
don't have parents as loving and supportive as yours.

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