MasterChef boldly declares August 28, 2012 “The Day A Soufflé Was The Most Exciting Thing On TV”

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, August 28. All times are Eastern.

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MasterChef (Fox, 9 p.m.): If baking is a science, than baking a soufflé is the culinary equivalent of working with an unstable, radioactive compound. At least that’s what television would like you to believe tonight, since most networks are taking an eight-day weekend for Labor Day. Phil Dyess-Nugent is currently soliciting synonyms for “explosive” to describe the high-stakes soufflé elimination that will lead to MasterChef’s two-part season finale.

White Collar (USA, 9 p.m.): Everwood dad Treat Williams shows up to provide some information about Neal’s father. Perhaps Williams’ character will adopt Neal and take him to a small Colorado town, and Kenny Herzog will spend future Tuesdays watching Matt Bomer con his way into the hearts of the locals.

Dawson’s Creek (11 a.m.): Appropriately timed with the Republican National Convention, Dawson’s Creek takes on school politics. This summary is approved by Brandon Nowalk.

Six Feet Under (1 p.m.): John Teti boards the bus out of the series’ second season—but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Must be some sort of summertime rerouting.

Home Movies (3 p.m.): The truth finally comes out: Brendon isn’t good at acting, and he’s using cheap gimmicks to prop up flimsy productions. Erik Adams, meanwhile, thinks a fisheye lens is exactly what will put this week’s review over the top.

Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family, 8 p.m.): We receive a surprising number of requests to do regular reviews of this show, and tonight’s summer finale—where the mysterious “A” seemingly makes a peace offering (or is it?) to the girls—might be the occasion to do drop-in. Or is it? We’re just trying to keep things mysterious and suspenseful…

19 Kids & Counting (TLC, 9 p.m.): Depending on your source, this TLC staple is either entering its sixth or 10th season. It can be definitively stated, however, that the Duggars still have 19 children, which is insane by any metric.

The Flaming Lips Performing Dark Side Of The Moon (Palladia, 9 p.m.): Oklahoma’s proudest, annoying/endearing psychedelic sons transformed into the world’s most elaborate Pink Floyd tribute act at the 2012 Hangout Music Festival, pumping the songs of Dark Side Of The Moon full of confetti and special guests. Here’s the footage to prove the performance wasn’t a mass hallucination.

Abby & Brittany (TLC, 10 p.m.): The subjects of two previous TLC documentaries, conjoined twins Abby and Brittany Hensel, receive their own limited-run series. But without a malapropism-spouting mother by their side, how will the Hensels score Here Comes Honey Boo Boo numbers?

Father Of The Bride (Encore, 8 p.m.): Between the wild-and-crazy days of his film collaborations with Carl Reiner and the art-collecting, banjo-plucking, less-prone-to-ramblin’ path he’s on today, Steve Martin made a stop off at this lighthearted remake of the 1950 Spencer Tracy vehicle of the same name.

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas (HBO, 8:30 p.m.): The holiday season is still months away, and the cheeky 3-D effects that made the third Harold & Kumar installment such a filthy delight in theaters won’t translate on the small screen—but Danny Trejo jizzing at a Christmas tree is still Danny Trejo jizzing at a Christmas tree no matter the time of year or format of presentation.

MLB Baseball: Brewers at Cubs (WGN, 8 p.m.): After coming within two wins of reaching the 2011 World Series, the Brew Crew has fallen on tough times. The team can commiserate about losing with its regional rivals in the second game of a four-game stretch at Wrigley Field.

Regular Show: Alasdair Wilkins drops in on Adventure Time’s Monday-night companion. Who knows, maybe one day it could get some regular coverage. Get it? Because of the title?