All the new Max reality shows, from least Max to most Max

This week, Warner Bros. Discovery continued its streak of good ideas (that’s sarcasm) by announcing that the combined HBO Max/Discovery+ streaming service will simply be called “Max”—a seemingly and inexplicably conscious attempt to move away from the implied prestige and quality that came with the HBO label. And while The Penguin looks great and we would drop everything and watch that right now if it were available to stream, a huge chunk of the Max announcements this week were dedicated to the more Discovery-friendly reality shows that will soon be infecting the once pristine halls of the HBO-branded streaming service.

So to save you the time of having to go through that list yourself and see if any of those reality shows will be worth watching, we’ve gone ahead and done it for you. We’ve also developed a highly scientific three-way rating system that will tell you what kind of vibe we expect each show to represent, whether it’s HBO, Discovery, or Max. An HBO show will be expensive, creatively interesting, and/or smart. A Discovery show will be your standard educational-ish reality show fare. A Max show will be one that appropriately captures that Max attitude: a little dumb, a lot half-baked, and with a narrow appeal that some overpaid executive completely misunderstands.

Barely Max: SmartLess: On The Road

Let’s get something out of the way first: The show should be called Smartles, like turtles but smart. That would be funnier. Not that this doesn’t look funny, because SmartLess is a huge hit podcast for a reason, but it would be a nice punch-up. As it stands, SmartLess: On The Road looks a little self-serious on the surface, with the black-and-white thing and the promises of showing the real Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes, but it looks like the real Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes are just good buddies who like to laugh and have fun. It doesn’t seem like a particularly deep well for drama as much as general good times. Pair that with the black-and-white and the word “smart” in the title and this sounds a little HBO.

What’s the vibe: A soft (yet comfortable) HBO

Max adjacent: Fixer Upper: The Hotel

Chip and Joanna Gaines have quietly been building an empire, first with their Fixer Upper series on HGTV, then when their Magnolia brand took over a big chunk of every Target in the country, and then when the DIY Network was rebranded into the Magnolia Network. Given enough time, the couple will have rebuilt all of central Texas in their semi-chic farmhouse-esque aesthetic, and the spin-off miniseries The Hotel is a big step in that direction. Rather than just putting big barn doors or whatever on people’s houses, they’re doing it to an entire hotel in Waco—creating what will sort of be the Gaines’ version of Disney World.

What’s the vibe: Discovery, by a mile.

A little more Max: Survive The Raft

You’ve heard of Survivor, yes? Well, this, surprisingly, is not just that but on a boat. A press release explains that Survive The Raft is actually a new take on anthropologist Santiago Genovés’ 1973 experiment that he called the “Peace Project,” but which was known colloquially in the press at the time as the “Sex Raft.” Genovés’ plan was simple: Put a bunch of hot people on a boat and wait until they either start having sex or trying to kill each other—and when they ultimately didn’t try to kill each other, he attempted to drive them toward it anyway. Survive The Raft is just like that, but they’re on TV so they won’t be having sex or killing each other. Instead, they’ll be … competing for cash prizes and deciding if someone should be removed from the raft at the end of each episode. So that’s totally new. You’re not going to see that anywhere else.

What’s the vibe: A gentle Max with shades of Discovery and a sprinkle of HBO.

Definitely Max: Love & Translation

For April Fools’ Day this year, Peacock teamed up with Duolingo to announce a fake reality show where singles live in a house and try to fall in love with each other even though none of them speak the same language. Pretty funny idea, if only because it seems so believable in a world full of trashy dating shows that are always trying to out-gimmick each other. Well here’s TLC’s Love & Translation, an actual show with a shockingly similar premise! You know, it’s funny if someone falls down the stairs one time, but if it happens over and over and over again, it becomes less funny and more concerning. What we’re saying is that somebody should check on Warner Bros. Discovery and make sure it’s okay.

What’s the vibe: Max, in the worst way.

Max to the Max: Barbie Dreamhouse Challenge

Everyone seems hyped for Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie, and the character is clearly in the middle of a big pop culture resurgence/reclamation, so a show about making Barbie stuff in real life seems like a solid idea. But then you see that the press release from WBD brags that Barbie Dreamhouse Challenge will allow HGTV to “harness the unmatched power of its corporate siblings” and you remember that every single second of every single day of our lives is completely controlled by consumerism and it just feels sad.

What’s the vibe: Quite possibly the definitive Max experience.