Mayoral candidate who narrowly avoided dildo-drone attack: "I will not be intimidated"

Albuquerque’s mayoral race is heating up to the point that residents have begun deploying weaponized flying dildos in an attempt to determine its outcome. The first volley in this escalation of political tactics took place last Tuesday when candidate Sheriff Manuel Gonzales III was fielding a question from the crowd at the Revel Entertainment Center. During his answer, a well-hung drone approached the stage and was about to, we guess, give his head a flaccid slap before it was jerked away by a bystander.

As Vice reports, a 24-year-old man named Kaelan Ashby Dreyer was arrested following the attempted dildo-drone strike. Just after the aerial sex robot was grounded, Dreyer tried to recover the drone and, as he claims, “accidentally” hit Gonzales’ hands in the process. Gonzales’ team then claimed that Dreyer was a patsy of Albuquerque’s current mayor and his opponent, Tim Keller, who he says was trying to mess with the campaign.

In order to show he’s not afraid of anything his rivals can throw (or hover) at him, Gonzales has stated, simply, “I will not be intimidated.” Keller has since denied responsibility, and Dreyer says he isn’t in the current mayor’s employ. Complicating things further, Vice highlights a staunchly anti-Gonzales Twitter account called Dongcopter505, which both tweeted out a clip of the dildo-drone strike and issued a statement about the event “From the desk of Dongcopter505".

“To be clear,” the statement reads, “the actions of Dongcopter505 are not directed by any other person or entity, and Dongcopter505 likewise does not direct the actions of others.” The account absolves Dreyer of responsibility for the attempted strike but praises his “valiant effort to protect the copter from her ham-handed captors.” Dildo strikes are just politics by other means, we suppose.

As confusing as the issue of responsibility may be, some very straightforward footage of the attempt to make Gonzales look like a real dickhead is available on Facebook. It’s pretty exceptional stuff. About four minutes in, as Gonzales is answering a question from the audience, a buzzing sound fades in and the dildo-drone hovers into view. We hear a woman ask aloud, “Is that a dong on a drone?” It flies around for a bit before being removed. Dreyer is shown being led away. He shouts back, “This guy’s a pedophile!”

All in all, it’s just another day in politics.

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