4. Mumbling lessons. How else can you make everything you say sound like a garbled tangle of nonsensical word knots?
5. The ability to say with conviction, "This is not a joke."
6. A Las Vegas club whose atmosphere can best be described with two words: "party coffin."
7. A hook. If you don't have a hook, then a well-timed pratfall works just as well. ("Well-timed" here means "right when the party coffin sound system starts to play Usher.")
Joaquin Phoenix is clearly a joke rap success story. Look for his comic documentary series, Joaquin Disaster (get it?) on NBC next fall.
