McDonald’s starts selling Monster Energy drinks, is actively trying to kill people
When McDonald’s announced that it would be serving all-day breakfast early in September, we presented the controversial opinion that consumers would soon realize it was “too much of a good thing” and they’d get sick of it. (Or just sick in general.) Our theory that it would be a bad idea was later proven half-right when some McDonald’s franchise owners declared that the new menu was “slowing down service,” “causing chaos,” and making it even more difficult to find employees who would willingly subject themselves to the kind of torture that is serving McDonald’s breakfast all day. Still, though, people are lining up to get their Egg McMuffins and Big Breakfasts With Griddle Cakes all day, every day.
However, that may change soon, because McDonald’s is now preparing to institute a change that seems specifically designed so it can kill people even faster than its food already does: According to Bloomberg, the restaurant has started selling Monster Energy drinks in about 20 locations. For those who aren’t familiar with Monster, it’s the energy drink brand preferred by everyone who drives a pickup truck, or, at least, the energy drink brand that shares a logo with a pickup truck-based cult of some kind. Also, like all energy drinks, it’s pretty bad for you, but it’s not like anyone is going to McDonald’s because of its healthy options. So the surprising thing here really isn’t that McDonald’s is willing to sell Monster, it’s that McDonald’s is being open about the fact that it sells terrible things that everyone loves. So maybe that’s a good thing? You do you, McDonald’s!