Meet Phantom, a big horse going viral because he is so goddamn big

We tried to look at it many different ways. Diagrams were drawn, simulations run, our previous findings referenced and cross-referenced. But after much debate, we feel we can avow with almost absolute certainty and a great deal of confidence: yes, the big horse is quite big.

This is Phantom, a 7-year-old, 8-foot-tall “Shire” horse—which is somewhat ironic, when you think about it. You know, because that’s the name of the place in New Zealand where all those Hobbits live. Phantom weighs 2000-pounds, though. Can you imagine a 2000-pound Shire Hobbit? That’d be pretty wild.

Phantom is real, though. Look at him again if you doubt it. “His personality is very bold,” explains his handler in the above video. “He’s goofy, and loves to have attention… Most people, when they see him, their jaws do tend to drop, and they tend to say, ‘Oh my God. That’s the biggest horse I’ve ever seen.’”

This information tracks.

According to the viral video making its current rounds online, Phantom now resides in a Maryland rescue facility after he grew to be too big for his original owners’ housing. This also makes a great deal of sense, logistically speaking, because the big horse is a very big one. A very big horse, we mean.

You know something else? We wouldn’t have so much trouble sorting through the ol’ online content barrel today if we had ourselves access to a big-ass horse like Phantom. We bet it would be able to get in there real good, farther down into the dregs of viral videos and funny pictures than even we could ever hope to get.

But, as you have probably gathered by now, we do not possess such a tall horse. Or, now that we think about it, a logically sound metaphor for online content curation. Perhaps we are just too distracted by Phantom, the very big horse. Oh well.

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