Merge Records (jokingly) forces Mark Eitzel to spit shine his image before a new record

Former American Music Club frontman Mark Eitzel isn’t exactly the most warm and cuddly songwriter, so naturally, with a new record on the horizon, Merge Records wanted to hedge its bets and make him as marketable as possible. Thus they enlisted the help of several media experts—from a writer at Joan Rivers’ Fashion Police to Lady Gaga’s makeup artist—to help spit polish him before the October 2 release of Don’t Be A Stranger. Future collaborators will include Neil Hamburger, Twin Peaks and Big Love actress Grace Zabriskie, and acting coach Drew Droege. It’s all in jest, of course, but it’s funny because it could be true.