While the decision on whether Morrissey will walk in to discover a Staples Center that is meat-free or constructed entirely of meat remains an open question, Morrissey has already taken on an even more formidable foe: the entertainment domain controlled by the Duck Dynasty. The no-longer-miserable-in-a-medical-way singer was scheduled to return to live performance with an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel’s show tonight, but he backed out at the last minute with a (since-deleted) Facebook statement, citing his inability to “morally be on a television program where the cast members of Duck Dynasty will also be guests,” demanding that either the stars of the cable hit be asked to leave, or he wouldn’t come by the studio and be Morrissey. Kimmel, perhaps unsurprisingly, chose the guys who show no hesitation in eating raccoon shit.
Morrissey later elaborated on his qualms with the A&E reality series—which concerns Louisiana swamp dwellers who make their fortune by designing devices intended to lure ducks to their deaths—saying, “As far as my reputation is concerned, I can't take the risk of being on a show alongside people who, in effect, amount to animal serial killers.” Indeed, unless Morrissey canceled a performance because of its tangential association with duck murderers, people might no longer take him seriously.
Provided word of his boycott did not then reach the ruthless Duck Dynasty—and it was not then actually understood by its members, after they were informed who Morrissey is and why it ostensibly mattered that he didn’t like them—Morrissey will hopefully escape their hunters’ wiles and embark on the freshly rescheduled tour dates below. While on the road, he’s advised to steer clear of any tall grass, even if he hears what he thinks is someone calling out, “Free vegan chili!”
Feb. 27 – San Diego, CA, Balboa Theatre
March 1 – Los Angeles, CA, Staples Center
March 2 – Los Angeles, CA, Hollywood High School
March 4 – Davis, CA, Robert Mondavi Center
March 6 – Seattle, WA, The Moore Theatre
March 8 – Portland, OR, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
March 9 – San Francisco, CA, The Regency Ballroom
March 14 – Mexico City, Mexico, Vive Latino Festival
March 18 – Lawrence, KS, Liberty Hall
March 19 – Lincoln, NE, Rococo Theatre
March 22 – Minneapolis, MN, Orpheum
March 23 – Chicago, IL, Chicago Theater
March 27 – Clear Lake, IA, Surf Ballroom
March 29 – Nashville, TN, Ryman Auditorium
March 30 – Atlanta, GA, Cobb Energy Center
April 2 – Asheville, NC, Orange Peel
April 3 – Richmond, VA, National
April 6 – Philadelphia, PA, Tower Theater
April 8 – Flint, MI, Whiting Auditorium
April 9 – Indianapolis, IN, Murat Theater
April 12 – Beaumont, TX, Jefferson Theater
April 13 – Pharr, TX, Pharr Entertainment Center
April 15 – Dallas, TX, Palladium
April 16 – Austin, TX, Austin Music Hall
April 19 – Phoenix, AZ, Marquee Theater
April 20 – Las Vegas, NV, The Chelsea at The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas
April 23 – El Paso, TX, Tricky Falls
April 26 – Denver, CO, Temple Hoyne Buell Theatre
April 28 – Salt Lake City, UT, Kingsbury Hall
April 30 – San Francisco, CA, The Warfield